200
by doritosmycheetos12
Summary: *Rewrite of 200* What if Mateo Cruz hadn't been so willing to give up his security code when Hastings threatened to rape JJ? Rated M for sexual assault. Read with caution, but not graphic detail. Please review! There will be more of the recovery and some bonding between characters throughout, but I'm gonna try and keep you on your feet. ;P thanks for the reviews and reads.
1. Chapter 1

**Rewrite of 200, just a oneshot unless you guys want more?**

"Your code now." The thickly accented captor spoke from behind her with a gun trained on the back if her head. "Or this time she loses more than a baby."

"Go to hell." Matt grunted.

"Your code!" Askari screamed.

"Did you tell them I was pregnant?" JJ directed to Matt in nearly a breathy whisper.

"Of course not." Matt insisted. "I never told anyone."

"Okay." JJ breathed. "That's enough. Come out." JJ said.

"Who you talkin to?" Askari questioned still firmly training the gun on her head.

"Not to you, to your boss." JJ said near tears. "Come out and face me you coward." JJ cried and was startled as someone beckoned to her call. A door was slammed open, a figure walked through. Hesitantly, JJ turned her head as Hastings entered the room with a silly grin on his face.

"How did you know?" Hastings inquired.

"Askari couldn't possibly have known I was pregnant. I didn't tell anyone, not even my husband. I only told Matt." JJ said, still fighting tears and speaking through a weak and croaky voice. "It was right before you came and gave me that message from the BAU. How long were you listening before you approached?"

When Hastings failed to answer, JJ continued on.

"I was right about there being an inside man."

"And look what it cost you." Hastings retorted.

"You can threaten to kill me. Matt won't give you what you want." JJ said with all the strength and courage she could muster.

As Hastings made a slow descent to her captive position, she realized the mistake in her words, and quickly swallowed a large gulp of fear.

"She's right." Askari said.

"Don't I know it." Hastings said as he made his way to the chains and roughly pulled JJ up to a standing position.

His eyes found her curves and trailed her bruised body. His quickly glanced at Matt with a silly grin on his face.

"But I also know you Matt. And what line you won't let me cross." Hastings said as his hands found their target and began to caress her rear curves with lust, creating a grim glare from Matt. JJ's breath quickened as his hands continued to roam. Matt looked away with regret on his face. "But I get it, Jareau is yours now. And I don't blame you, she is an attractive woman." Hastings said as he grabbed her cheeks and forced her face towards his own.

"Don't touch her you sick son of a bitch!" Matt cried.

"No more games." Hastings replied, releasing his grip on JJ. "I want INTEGRITY. She's the price." Hastings glanced irritably at JJ. Hastings once again grabbed JJ's cheeks and forced her to look at him.

"Maybe, I can make you..." Hastings raised her shirt and caressed her flat stomach, "another one." Hastings met her eyes with a greedy smile and JJ but her lip and glared back into his disgusting eyes.

Hastings continued roaming JJ's body with his hands, every now and then sending a dirty look towards Matt, followed by a lustful smile. His hands found the buttons of her shirt, and slowly began undoing them. This released an emotion in JJ she found highly unpleasant. She sniffled as tears filled her eyes and threatened to fall.

"Take your time Matt. I've been thinking about this for years." Hastings said with a slight chuckle as his hands found the next button on her blouse.

"Matt don't. I'm fine." JJ said, slightly cringing as she heard the break in her voice. "I'm fine." JJ said defiantly, Hastings bony fingers found her pant button and broke the flimsy thing easily. "I'm fine." JJ said again, quieter.

Hastings was effectively breaking her.

JJ squeezed her eyes at the uncomfortable and rough touch of a man she used to trust. She stared at Matt's turned head, silently begging him to stop this. How far was she willing to go to keep her country safe? Was it worth being..._raped_?

The tears finally fell down JJ's sore face. What would Will think? How would he ever be able to look at her again?

"I'm fine." JJ said again, even softer.

"No you're not." Matt replied. His head was still turned from the disturbing sight of Hastings removing JJ's clothing. His voice was breaking, his heart was breaking. HE was breaking.

JJ didn't answer as Hastings finished off her buttons. The blouse hung loosely on her shoulders and hung wide open exposing her bear stomach and plain black bra. JJ was horrified, but was grateful Matt kept his eyes away from the horrid scene.

"Please." Matt begged through his own silent tears.

JJ gasped as her pants were dropped to the floor, revealing her black underwear matching her bra. Hastings dropped to her ankles and roamed the velvety soft skin with rough fingers as he slowly took her pants off her ankles and through them to the side of the room. His grin was large and wide now, this was about more than just the security code. He _wanted_ JJ.

Hastings moved behind her, his hands never leaving her body, as he violently ripped her blouse off, leaving her in her bra and underwear, violently exposed and horribly embarrassed. JJ's tears were silently streaming uncontrollably.

"Okay, okay." Matt broke down, his sobs were heart wrenching.

"Matt." JJ breathed hard.

"Just stop." Matt said, ignoring JJ. "I'll do it, just stop."

Hastings seemed to consider it for a moment.

"Too late."

Hastings ripped her underwear off in one rapid motion, emitting a scared scream from JJ. Her sobs were no longer silent, as Hastings eyed her most private parts. Parts only meant for Will. Her thoughts traveled to Will and that handsome smile of his. His dark eyes and the way he made her feel loved each time she was around him. She hadn't ever loved a man more than that southern hunk. Now she might lose him, that was a thought JJ couldn't come to terms with, it only created a breaking in her heart.

"Stop!" JJ screamed.

This outburst caused Hastings stop. At first he looked angry, but soon the glare turned into a seductive smile. He was pleased with her reaction, this only further turned him on.

Matt had fallen to the floor in uncontrollable sobs. JJ had never seen him so "upset". She matched his reaction perfectly and cried, she yelled for Hastings to stop, but deep down, she knew nothing at this point would stop the raging lunatic before her.

She saved her energy and stopped screaming, she was reduced to uncontrollable sobs as Hastings proceeded on with his threat. He fulfilled every last word and more as his erection found her hole and violently slammed into her repeatedly. JJ screamed out each time he thrust. She screamed for Will, for mercy, and for hope. Maybe after all this was over she would still survive, she was holding out hope on her team.

She wasn't ready to go just yet.

Hastings finished his despicable act, he lowered JJ to the ground and left the room with Askari, leaving the two prisoners to process what had just happened. JJ cuddled into a fetal position, sobbing silently and whispering Will's name. She wanted nothing more than for him to hold her and solace her in this terrible time.

"Please. Will." JJ sobbed.

**Hope you liked, please review! **


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Her sobs were silent and tiring. She had given up on her life. Nothing mattered to the battered blonde anymore. Her entire body throbbed with each aching movement. She cried at every thought, there was no bright side. Only darkness consumed her. Her once vibrant blue eyes were dull and lifeless. Her blond locks clung to her face with sweat. Oh what she'd give for a nice hot shower.

She stayed silent. She wanted to console Matt, but she just couldn't find the strength. She knew he was worried, but she didn't care. She didn't care about much anymore.

Her sobs started to ease, as her energy ran low. Her eyes fluttered shut and she found peace in the serenity her closed eyes brought. It wasn't much longer until she heard Matt's voice from behind her.

"JJ." Matt said with an exhausted breath.

JJ didn't answer and hoped Matt would believe she was just sleeping.

"I know you're not sleeping." Matt said as if he had read her mind.

"I'm fine." JJ whispered back.

"Jayje. I don't know how to help you." Matt said, despair was evident in his exhausted voice.

"I'm fine." JJ said once more.

Matt stopped taking, JJ's tired body fell into a deep restless sleep. Matt could see the nightmares taking over and this only made his guilt grow stronger. How could he have let them do this? To say Matt felt terrible was a giant understatement. He had never felt worse in his life. He was the cause of her ruined life, there was no coming back from that bombshell.

When Hastings returned, Matt didn't even flinch. JJ was still out cold and Hastings held a silly grin on his dirty face.

"I see my princess is still sleeping." Hastings chuckled.

"Shut up." Matt growled, furious with the disgusting man.

Hastings carefully walked over to Matt, without warning he punched Matt's left eye in a fit of rage.

"You'd think you would have learned your lesson by now." Hastings retorted.

Matt kept his mouth shut, the anger boiled inside, but somehow he kept it in. Only for JJ's safety.

"Now, the code."

"Why would I just give you the code now? I've got nothing to lose." Matt said with a stern glare.

Hastings punched his jaw releasing a grunt of pain from Matt.

"Me and Jennifer can just...have a little fun...again. If that's what you'd like." Hastings taunted.

Matt stayed quiet.

Hastings walked over to JJ and crouched by her sleeping form. He removed the hair from her face and let his rough finger trail the outer edge of her bruised face. He slowly bent down and placed a kiss on her upward facing cheek. As his lips touched her soft, but cold, skin, JJ's eyes shot open in fear. Hastings had never been so proud of his work. He had successfully broken an independent and strong FBI agent.

"Morning Sunshine." Matt teased.

JJ struggled to remove herself from his grasp.

"Is this what you want Matt?" Hastings yelled.

His anger was rising and becoming more and more apparent.

"Cause I can do this all day!"

Hastings slapped JJ across the face with a wild squeal. His hands began to roam and JJ could help but let out a small scream as he slapped her ass.

"Stop!" Matt cried.

Hastings complied and looked over at the bruised man.

"Fine, I'll give you the code."

Askari walked in at Matt's words with the same computer as earlier. Matt gave JJ an apologetic look. As he began typing another man ran in the room shouting in another language.

Askari ran out of the room, following the distraught foreigner. Hastings tried to hide his fear, but both agents knew that this was not apart of the plan. Matt had paused in his code and this further frustrated Hastings. He walked over the the chains and strung JJ up, her feet barely touched the ground as to cause maximum pain and discomfort. Hastings whipped a knife from his back pocket and brought it to JJ's neck in a menacing threat.

"The code. Now."

Matt easily complied. Himself and JJ were both sick of the games, they just wanted it to be done, they could feel it was close.

Matt quickly finished his code and pushed the computer away from his body. Hastings left JJ's side and quickly grabbed the computer.

"Well agents. Its been fun, I wish I could stay." Hastings said. He grabbed the knife once more and plunged it into each of their stomachs. He made a quick exit only minutes before the two agents team ran into the room. They quickly got JJ out of the chains, and onto the cold floor. She clutched her stomach in agony, and could only silently...giggle as she saw Matt do the same. It was ironic that they were in this position once more, JJ only wished she could share the memory with a laugh and beer next to Matt.

The next few minutes were a blur as she was loaded on to an ambulance and rushed to the hospital, she lost consciousness several times and was clearly angry each time she awoke. Can't a girl just get some sleep?

Finally JJ and Cruz were rushed into surgery and left the team in the waiting room. They team had won this time, but it didn't feel like it. There was still a lot up to chance, they needed JJ to survive this attack/surgery, they wouldn't be able to move on if she didn't. JJ was the glue of the team, she was level headed, smart and good with people. With out her, the team felt...broken.

The team was thoroughly pleased when the doctor exited the large door with I formation on their agents.

"Agent Jareau sustained multiple injuries during her captivity, however I'm confident she will make a full recovery." The doctor said with a slight smile.

The team exchanged glances of relief.

"And Agent Cruz has a similar recovery plan." The doctor added.

"Thank you doctor." Will said from the back of the crowd.

"Although, there is one thing I should make you aware of. During our initial examination, we noticed some trauma to her inner thighs. Upon further investigation, I order a rape kit. I do not have the results if the rape kit, like DNA extraction results, however I'm sorry to say that Agent Jareau was brutally raped. I suggest extensive psychological therapy." The doctor finished.

The team solemnly nodded their heads, before the doctor left them.

At least on thing was true.

Their agent was safe.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading and reviewing! I've decided to make this a multi chapter, so conspiracy and mystery ahead! I would like some help on this story though, so if you are interested or have any ideas, please PM me and we can we can work on this story!<strong>

**Also, it was my 16 birthday on Wednesday, and I have/had a black eye and a concussion, please review, they would make me feel soo much better! **

**Thanks again! **


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Will walked hesitantly to see his injured wife. They had told him she would be awake and semi lucid due to the pain killers, but that as long as JJ was up to it, they were free to have a long comfortable conversation.

To say he was nervous was an understatement. After the heart breaking news he had just received about _his_ lover, he was unsure of how to tackle the situation. He wanted desperately to comfort his wounded wife, but the trauma was extensive. He felt inadequate to talk to his wife, it was unsettling.

Will rounded the corner and took a deep breath as his wife's room came into view. His stride slowed slightly, and he felt guilty for his hesitation. Finally he entered the room, holding his breath.

"Jayje?" He asked quietly. "It's me, Will."

He talked slowly and quietly as to not startle her. He wanted her to feel as safe as possible around him. Whether she knew it or not, she was his life, he needed her more than anything, and so did their son.

Henry was waiting in the waiting room with Emily, the team had thought it would be best if she met with Will alone before Henry came in. There was some unresolved trauma that needed to be spoken about between adults, and only adults. Henry was too young and innocent to even begin to understand JJ's trauma.

Will crept around the curtain covering his wife's body. As her blond locks came into view, his eyes began to swim as he realized just how close he was to losing the woman he loved most. Just how close Henry had been to becoming motherless.

"Oh JJ." Will said in a deep voice to keep it from cracking. He swallowed his tears and nearly ran to her side. He grabbed her hand and kissed her forehead. Her eyes immediately filled with tears as she saw the man she'd been waiting to see. Her heart throbbed for his touch and burned as his lips softly kissed her forehead. His hands found her cheeks as he looked into her blue eyes. At last his lips descended to her own and placed a gentle kiss on her golden lips.

"I love you." JJ cried.

She let her emotions take over. She let her tears fall, no longer hiding them behind her facade of impenetrable JJ. Her nerves ran wild, her hands shaking with emotion and uncertainness.

"I almost lost you." Will said.

"But you didn't, so hold me." JJ begged.

Will sat on the bed next to her, wrapping his arms around her as she soaked his shirt in tears of love, fear, and emotion. He held on tightly as if he would never get the chance again. He vowed to himself to never let anyone hurt her again, and to treat her with the love and service she deserves.

"I don't know how to help you." Will said his voice cracking with emotion.

"Just be here. I just want _you_."

"I can do that." Will said with a light chuckle.

The pair sat holding each other, just enjoying the company and serenity the peace brought. JJ's crying eased, and her breathing regulated. Will gently rubbed her shoulder and laid his head against her own lovingly.

"We need to talk about what happened." Will said slowly.

"What are you talking about?" JJ asked shakily.

"The doctor told us." Will said gently.

"Oh, there's not really much to say." JJ said with a sad shrug.

"I just want to help Jayje."

"I know you do, Will. I don't know what you want me to say? Yeah, Hastings is a terrible man and he took something that wasn't his, but it's in the past and there's nothing we can do now." JJ answered.

"Seems like you're doing really well."

JJ didn't answer.

"But I know you. And like always, you're saying what I want to hear. Tell me how you actually feel Jayje." Will said.

"You wanna know how I feel? I feel _dirty, _used, inadequate. I don't understand what possibly could have possessed Hastings to do what he did, it's like I can't comprehend that I am a _rape_ _victim_. I'm wondering how I will me a mother to my son, how I will recover when I have so much to live for, but I don't feel like living." JJ answered honestly.

Silent tears trailed her face as she finally set all her feelings on the table.

Will silently pondered her response, finally his mouth opened.

"You want to know what I think?" Will asked.

JJ nodded.

"I think that your feelings are normal. It hurts me more than you know to hear how you feel. I can't even begin to imagine it, but I only want to help. You say you feel inadequate? I feel inadequate to help you. I dont know what to say, because i want to help you so much.

I know it sounds selfish to say, but I want you to be you again.

I love you Jayje, so much. And so does our son. He needs his beautiful mother just like I need my beautiful wife. These feelings will dissipate as time goes on, but with this, time will be vital to recovery. So when you're feeling like you do right now, remember what you have to live for, and remember it will take _time_ to heal. Don't expect to be better after a few hours, because it won't happen, even though we would all love that." Will said.

"Has anyone ever told you how amazing you are?" JJ asked.

"Constantly."

JJ giggled and laid her head back down on his chest.

He was exactly right. Time would heal these emotional wounds. She was expecting too much of herself, and that's why she felt so terrible. She needed to be patient with herself and remember she was only human.

Her eyes fluttered closed, and she relaxed into Will's embrace. He was an amazing husband that knew exactly what to say. As long as she leaned on Will for her recovery, she and everyone else was confident her recovery would go quick and smooth.

JJ fell asleep with a smile on her face as she remembered better times. And better times to come. Right now was a terrible time in her life, while it would be with her forever, it wouldn't _last_ forever. Soon she would come to terms with what happened and move on from the trauma. She would become stronger from it and continue to help others.

Right now it was really hard, especially to try and picture the bigger image, but she would win. She would win Hastings and make him pay for every last bruise he gave her. He was a very wanted man, JJ couldn't wait to put him behind bars.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading and reviewing! Please remember to leave another one. :) <strong>

**The next chapter will have team/JJ moments, I decided to give JJ and Will an entire chapter, I think they deserved it. **

**Also, now Basketball season is over, so I wont be spending two hours at practice everyday, meaning I hope to be updating quicker! **

**Again, thanks for reading.**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Bring me my son." JJ said with a smile.

Will nodded and left, he didn't return, but Emily returned holding Henry in her arms. JJ's eyes filled with warm tears and she reached out for Henry.

"Oh, my baby." JJ cried.

"Mommy!" Henry screamed with a little giggle.

JJ couldn't help the chuckle that escaped.

Emily handed Henry to her and the cute little boy crawled into JJ's arms. His head landed in the crook of her neck releasing a sigh of relief from JJ.

"Did you miss me mama?"

"So much, baby."

JJ attacked his neck with wet kisses and Henry squirmed in her grasp.

"Ah! Stooop!" Henry cried followed by giggles of pleasure.

JJ laughed and looked up at Emily. She was enjoying the sight before her with a small close lipped smile on her face.

"It's so good to see you." Emily offered.

"I should be saying that to you." JJ said. Emily

found a seat on the edge of JJ's bed and ran her fingers through Henry's shaggy hair.

"But really, how can I help?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

Emily nodded.

"How do you do it?"

"Do what?" Emily questioned.

"How do you deal with Doyle, and...everything?"

"I see." Emily said with a knowing nod.

"See what?"

"You want my secrets to compartmentalizing." Emily said with an amused look.

"You got me." JJ said with a sad chuckle.

"Surround yourself with the ones you love. Make sure you are constantly reminding yourself of what you have to live for. You won't be able to do this alone, the sooner you come to terms with that, the quicker your recovery will go. After I 'died', I had no one. I could occasionally talk to you through the Internet, but, Jayje, I couldn't actually talk about it. YOU need to _talk_."

JJ nodded but refused to say anything, she was saved from a reply as Spence and Morgan walked in the room.

"Can we have a turn?" Morgan said with a smile.

"Spence, Derek."

"My, my. Miss Pennsylvania Petite, you never cease to amaze me." Morgan said, he placed a kiss on her cheek, and Reid pulled up the rear with a deep hug around both her and Henry.

"Thanks guys." JJ said with a sincere grin.

"Look, he's asleep." Emily said pointing to Henry.

JJ did her best to look at her sleeping son, his hair covered his eyes and he breathed deeply.

"I missed this." JJ said honestly.

"I'll let somebody else have a turn with you." Emily said, she gave JJ an air kiss and hugged her awkwardly around the sleeping Henry as to not awake him.

"How are you?" Reid asked sincerely.

"Good." JJ answered with a nod.

"Do you need anything? Coffee? McDonalds?" Morgan asked.

"I might need that soon, this hospital food is absolutely terrible." JJ said with a light chuckle.

"It's good to see you awake. You're looking so much better." Reid said.

"Thank you?" JJ said with an amused look.

"It was a compliment." Reid quickly said.

Garcia entered the room with tears streaming down her face.

"Jayje."

"Hi Pen." JJ said.

Garcia grabbed her hand and the two girls equally squeezed comfortingly.

"What can I do? I want to help." Garcia said. "Too hot? Cold? You need the tv remote closer? Oh God, are you hungry?"

"I'm fine PG, thanks." JJ said with a convincing smile.

Garcia nodded embarrassed and scooted back to be by Reid and Morgan. She latched on to her baby boys arm and laid her head in the crook of his neck. A small smile played on her lips as she looked at JJ.

"You guys can stop staring at me now."

"Sorry, Jayje. We just can't believe we are looking at _you_ in a hospital bed."

"Is that some kind of inside joke I don't know about?"

"No Jay," Morgan lightly chuckled at JJ's dry sarcasm.

JJ smiled back and then looked at her sleeping son again. She realized how incredibly blessed she was to have this amazing little boy, and he was all hers. JJ couldn't wait til she could play soccer with the little man.

"One more batch to send in and then we will let you sleep, okay?" Morgan asked.

JJ nodded, her eyes drifting closed.

They were reopened as Blake, Rossi, and Hotch entered the room.

"Hey Jayje." Hotch said first.

Each agent gave JJ their version of a hug and stepped back to look at her, just like everyone else had done.

"Thanks, I'm really glad you're all here."

"We're glad you're here." Blake said.

JJ gave a weak smile.

"I wish we could talk more, but you look exhausted. Get some sleep and we will be here in the morning when you wake up." Rossi said. He gave JJ a kiss on her cheek before leaving the room, Blake waved goodbye and followed Rossi out. Hotch wasn't as quick to leave.

"Hotch, I know you're worried, but-" JJ started but Hotch cut her off with another hug. He sat down on the edge of her bed and looked deeply into her blue eyes.

"Listen to me Jayje. I've lost too many agents because of this kind of thing. But you're, you're different. We need you, please, don't leave." Hotch begged.

"Woah, where is this coming from?"

"I had a lot of time to think, during everything." Hotch glanced at JJ but his eyes found their way back to his clasped fingers. "Elle left because of her trauma, Gideon left, _Emily_ left, I just, I don't want you to leave too." _  
><em>

"Hotch, you don't have to worry. Not yet at least." JJ said with a wink.

"Get some sleep." Hotch said.

He began leaving the room.

"Hotch?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

Hotch nodded and left the room. JJ closed her eyes and dozed off with a smile on her face, she didn't even hear Will walk in. Will found a chair next to the bed and soon enough he too dozed off.

The Jareau-LaMontagne family lay idly sleeping, unaware of the danger lurking in the near future.

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><p><strong>Thanks for all the reads and reviews. <strong>


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The nurses were nice enough to let Will and Henry stay through the night, they all slept peacefully and surprisingly through the entire night. JJ was the first to awake early in the morning. She didn't have any nightmares last night, surprisingly enough. She honestly believed that the little boy sleeping on her chest was the reason of her beautiful sleep filled night.

JJ smiled as she was anxious to leave and get back to her regular life. The hospital was stuffy and only reminded JJ of memories she wanted to forget. Today she would be released from the dingy hospital and free to go back to her home. She couldn't wait for another night, just with Will.

She looked over at his sleeping form. His breath was deep, he was exhausted and finally he could get a good nights sleep because the women he loved was safe and sound right next to him. The feeling was indescribable, yet JJ knew the immense pain he had experienced during her absence. It was heartbreaking. But she was back now, everything would be okay, she just had to keep reminding herself of that.

It wasn't long until JJ's nurses and doctor came in to give her one last to check to make sure she was okay to leave. They kicked Henry and Will out and started to check her vitals and such.

"Mrs. Jareau, everything seems to be looking really good. We can release you today, but make sure you limit your physical activity. We don't want you to rip your stitches. Get a lot of rest, and make sure you're eating properly. I have some anti inflammatory pills I want you to take for the next few weeks, and also some pain killers, take with food or they will make you really sick."

"Thanks doctor." JJ said with an uncertain smile.

"I'll see you in a week for your next appointment."

JJ nodded and everyone left her room as she carefully proceeded to getting ready to leave. Will had brought a big t-shirt for her to wear and her baggiest sweats. She internally smiled at how well the southern beauty knew her. Once dressed, she met Will and Henry in the hallway right outside of her room.

"Ready?" Will asked with a nervous smile.

JJ nodded and grabbed Henry's hand, pulling him with her.

"Let's get out of here."

* * *

><p>Once home, JJ was planted on the couch at Will's incessant orders. The tv was turned on and Will got everything JJ would need to become comfortable.<p>

"Im going to go out Henry down for a nap." Will said and left the living room. Just as he had exited, JJ heard the door knock. Slowly JJ sat up from her position and went to answer the door. Her body began to ache and JJ realized just how battered she really was.

Finally she made it to the door and Emily was waiting on the other side.

"Hey gorgeous." Emily said with an amused look as she let herself in JJ's place.

"I look that good, huh?" JJ replied.

Emily laughed and followed JJ to the kitchen/living room area.

"I brought you soup." Emily said showing the container she had been holding.

"Oh you didn't have to do that!" JJ insisted.

"By the looks of it, I think you need it." Emily said looking JJ up and down. JJ mimicked Emily and really looked at her battered body. She was definitely skinnier, her protruding ribs and hips hidden beneath the baggy clothes was enough to raise concern, but that's why they were hidden. JJ didn't want anymore unneeded attention.

"I'm fine." JJ shrugged Emily's comment off with ease, even though they both knew Emily was speaking on many levels of truth.

"Can I get you anything?" JJ offered during an awkward moment of silence.

"How about you listen to doctors orders and sit your skinny butt down. Ill get you soup ready." Emily said.

JJ was hesitant, she wasn't used to this kind of thing, and she was resistant that she needed help.

"Come on, let's go." Emily pushed JJ over to the couch and once again got her all comfortable as Will walked out of Henry's room.

"Oh hey Emily." Will said with a sincere smile.

"Will, just the person I wanted to see. it looks like we are gonna have to tag team keeping JJ off her feet." Emily said with a sarcastic glance at JJ.

JJ rolled her eyes with a scoff and changed her attention to the tv across the room.

"I was going to call you, I knew I'd need some help." Will replied.

He walked over to JJ and planted a kiss on her forehead before helping Emily in the kitchen.

"I'd love to help out around here while JJ heals." Emily offered to Will.

Will seemed to ponder it for a moment. "I might have to actually take you up on that."

The two continued to work in silence. Emily got JJ's soup ready and a drink while Will cleaned up, and got some crackers. They brought it over to JJ and set it on the coffee table in the center of the room. They looked over at JJ and realized that in the silence she had fallen asleep. For this, Will was glad. She really needed to relax and regenerate. Will smiled and placed another kiss on her forehead as he brushed the hair off her face. He turned back to Emily.

"Is there anything I can get you?" Will asked.

"No, that's alright. I should probably get going." Emily said as she started for the door.

"Emily?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. For everything, this all means a lot to JJ...and me. I'm going to need a lot of help, and I just appreciate your willingness to give it."

"Anything for Jayje, she's a good one." Emily said with a tender smile towards the sleeping blonde.

"Emily?" Will asked again.

"Yes?" Emily replied with a little smirk.

"How do I help her? I mean- she...she was- and I don't-"

"Will, Will." Emily stopped him. "This is hard, and it will only get worse before it gets better. But if I know anything, JJ is strong, she's stubborn and she won't let the bastard win. This is personal, I'm more worried about Hastings than JJ." Emily looked over at JJ again with a sad smile. "She'll be okay. You guys will be okay. Listen to her when she talks, and say what's on your mind. Don't beat around the bush, be completely open. It will all work out. It will take time, but you guys are rock solid."

Will nodded and looked over at JJ, he found the chair next to her and gently placed his hand on her hand.

"Thanks again Emily."

"I'm glad to help." Emily answered with a nod before finally leaving the Jareau household.

* * *

><p><strong>Im sorry for the late update. I've kinda been on hiatus. A lot is going on in my life, I'm not good at admitting it, but I'm struggling. I'm getting help, and I know it will all work out, its just hard. I've decided that a lot of what I'm dealing with will be transferred into this story because JJ's situation and my situation are unnervingly similar. I'm sorry again for the late update. Thank you for your reads and reviews. <strong>


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

A peaceful slumber kept JJ captive. She was so exhausted no dreams were present in her unconscious state of mind. But her mind was still subconsciously going, even though she didn't know it. Something terribly traumatic happened to her, and her brain was trying to comprehend it, during sleep was one of the most often times a jumbled traumatized brain would fight through the confusing feelings of everything.

JJ was lucky enough to be finding sleep, but she'd already subconsciously bubbled it down to the fact her body was so battered, she was only falling asleep out of pure exhaustion, not from the actual _need_ to sleep.

It was only a little longer that JJ woke up, her small nap was mildly satisfying and JJ was now searching for something to do, something to keep her hands busy, her mind busy. She didn't want to think, she didn't want to be stuck in her paralyzing thoughts. They were brutal, tearing up JJ's emotional stability. It was too much, enough to make JJ believe she was literally going insane.

JJ groaned and rubbed the left temple of her head.

"Will?" JJ called out with all the strength she had.

Will came running in, eager to help. "What do you need sweetheart?"

"I need something to keep me busy." JJ said and rubbed her temple again. "Now." JJ muttered, she was actually involuntarily bringing herself physical pain.

"Maybe, do you wanna talk?" Will asked gently.

JJ immediately shook her head, angering her headache even more.

"Jayje you gotta talk sometime." Will said, he rose from his seat across from JJ and went into the kitchen. He brought back out two Tylenol pills and a few crackers. He set the crackers and pills down in front of JJ along with a half glass full of water. "I set you up an appointment with a therapist tomorrow, her name is Chelsea, and I think you will really like her."

JJ subtly nodded her head, she didn't want to talk, and most likely she wouldn't be talking a lot, but she loved Will for all his effort to help her. She lightly smiled and reached for the pills.

"Jayje, you can't take those on an empty stomach, it will make you sick. And I know you haven't eaten yet today." Will gently chastised. "I'm trying to let you be, but you gotta at least have one cracker, especially if you want to take the Tylenol." Will said with a look of deep sadness on his face.

JJ would have just abandoned the pills, but with the way her head was begging her, she lightly nodded and reached for one of the saltine crackers. She tried their best to take a normal sized bite, but as to be expected her turned out pretty small. JJ wasn't upset though, it tasted like dissolving cardboard in her dry mouth. She resisted every urge to throw up, she just _had_ to get this cracker down.

One big painful swallow, and JJ has the first bite down.

"Great job Jayje, you're doing great." Will encouraged lightly.

If JJ hadn't been so energy drained she would have playfully slapped her husband. Who knew he would be her side coach for eating a cracker? The situation was hilarious...but neither had the real energy to really get a good chuckle out of it. They both had too much anxiety to find the simple joy in this odd circumstance.

Engrossed in her thoughts, JJ managed to muscle the other half of the cracker down her raw throat. Finally through hoarse words she muttered, "can I take the lousy pills now?"

"Sure thing, you've earned it." Will said with a genuine smile and JJ choked the headache relieving pills down her throat.

Once JJ had successfully taken both pills, she smiled at Will and just wanted to laugh, but she knew if she started laughing, they would soon turn to tears and then JJ would be pouring her heart out to the one person she wanted to protect from her "silly" feelings.

She resulted to leaning into his embrace, her head perfectly fitting in the crook of his neck like a key to a key hole. And she never wanted the moment to end, her thoughts were at bay not plaguing her, her memories were no where to be found, and for a small portion of time, her physical pain was not conscious.

JJ was content.

But it didn't last long, moments after the embrace her brain got back to work, her body ached and JJ couldn't help the pushing memories.

JJ pushed herself out of Will arms, remembering the last time a _man_ had touched her. Her eyes immediately welled up with tears, but she couldn't cry. Especially in front of Will.

With bright blue eyes, filled with tears threatening to spill over, JJ spoke again. "Give me something to do, Will." Her voice nearly cracked at Will's name but so far she was holding on to the tears.

She could _not_, let them fall.

"Honey, I just want you to talk to me. Trust me." Will said with his own buried emotion threatening to be seen.

"I just can't, and I don't know why. It breaks my heart Will." JJ answered with broken words, one single tear slipping down her pale and battered face. JJ was quick to swipe the "weakness" away.

"Why are you scared to cry? Why are you fighting everything so much? You're worrying yourself sick, when you can just pass off the burden and let somebody else worry for you. You don't have to fight this alone." Will said.

"I know that." JJ muttered with a shrug and roll of her eyes.

"Do you? Because you still sit here and continue to do it on your own." Will pressed.

"It's not like I can help it!" JJ exclaimed.

"Then let me." Will muttered through gritted teeth.

JJ stood up from the couch and started to walk away, but Will only got up to follow. He reached for her wrist, trying to pull her back to the safety his awaiting arms could bring, but JJ was stubborn and he had known that from the day he'd met Ms. Pennsylvania Petite.

"Please Will, just give me a minute." JJ said gently.

Will grudgingly nodded after a moment of silence. JJ's back was still turned to him, so he knew she was waiting for him to leave. And finally he did, his hand brushed against the small of JJ's back before he left the living room.

JJ's head fell into her hands as she let the tears fall in a silent breakdown. The wrenching sobs were more painful than the emotions causing the breakdown. But she couldn't stop, the tears wouldn't stop. It was all building up to this moment where she would finally let everything go in one legendary break down.

JJ knew Will would be back soon to check on her, and even with what he had said, she still didn't want him to see her in this state. JJ threw her closest sweatshirt over her petite frame and let the red bagginess hide her sorrow.

Without another thought, JJ reached for her phone and headed out the door. It was sunset time, and thoroughly beautiful. JJ closed her front door behind her, and started out on a destination-less walk.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for all your reads and reviews, they mean a lot. All your feedback is warmly welcomed, so thank you. <strong>


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The evening breeze was refreshing, sending JJ right into a hopeless trance. In this trance she didn't have to think, she didn't have to remember, she didn't have to _be_. It was the best freedom she could find since Hastings had re entered her life in such a terrible, and utterly horrific way.

JJ didn't have anywhere to be, nowhere she wanted to go, but she felt content. Her pace was steady, and in an odd methodical way it helped. Before she knew it, she was already walking down the slowly emptying and darkening streets of the city.

Even her pale lips twitched into the start of a closed lip smile. Content was the only word to describe JJ's state of mind. She wasn't happy, nor sad. Just a constant state of ease, absent of worry or stress.

As the slight breeze took JJ away from reality, the buzzing of her phone inside her sweatshirt was non existent. For a moment the buzzing was endless, but finally it stopped. Only a few seconds later did it start up again, yet JJ was still blind to the urgency of the person on the other end of the wretched technology.

JJ kept walking, only the cold air and darkness of the night being able to keep her company. As if on cue, her phone began ringing right as JJ began to realize her surroundings. She had walked and walked, through mindless thoughts, and long hours, only to reach the place she was subconsciously needing.

Staring at the front door for several minutes before another incessant buzzing of her phone brought her eyes down to her shaking hands, that now held the vibrating object. Unconcerned with the discoloration of her hands from the night airs bite, JJ looked at her caller ID. She wasn't surprised to see Will's smiling face staring back from her phone. His contact picture bringing back a memory JJ had almost forgotten.

_"God JJ, stop walking so fast!" Will chided gently from a few steps behind her petite frame. _

_"Maybe your lazy ass could try to speed it up a bit." JJ easily retorted with a grin facing away from her southern hunk. _

_"We are taking a walk, not a race." Will persisted, as he ran behind JJ and wrapped his arms around her hips and picked her off the ground swinging her around in a circle, as she giggled, her eyes bright with a unique light. _

_"Will!" JJ squealed as she grasped the strong arms holding her in the air. _

_Finally Will put JJ down in front of him looking deep into her vibrant blue eyes. The world seemed to stop as JJ met his eyes with a sense of security. Her face matching his own seriousness with a small twitch at the corner of her lips._

_"Has anyone ever told you how amazing you are?" JJ asked with a wide grin. _

_"Constantly." Will replied as his lips made the descent to her own. Connecting with a power and love so great, a passion unbeknownst to the normal man, ignorant and prideful. _

_"Wait." JJ said and pulled out her phone. _

_"What are you doing?" Will questioned with a smirk of amusement. _

_"I want to remember this moment." JJ said with a smile and held up her phone. "Smile big." _

_Click. _

_"JJ, I want you to know that I lo-" _

"JJ?" Reid questioned as he opened his front door and saw JJ standing there staring at the dark screen of her phone, instantly breaking her from the memory.

"Oh, Spence." JJ trailed off for a second trying to gather her bearings. "Spence." She said again.

"Shh Jayje, come in. You must be freezing. What are you doing out in the cold so late?" Reid pulled JJ inside and found a large blanket to encompass her petite body, hoping to warm the cold exterior."

"I-Im not sure." JJ stuttered.

"Are you okay?" Reid asked, clearly worried.

"Oh yeah, yeah. I'm fine." JJ quickly reassured with a slight shrug.

"Does Will know where you are?"

"Yes." JJ immediately answered. "Well...actually no - no he doesn't."

"Can I call him so he doesn't worry himself to death?"

JJ nodded her permission and got comfy on Reid's couch with his large and heavy blanket keeping her shaking frame company. Reid returned a few minutes later with a mug of steaming hot chocolate and also a warm cookie.

"It's like you knew I was coming." JJ said with a smirk.

"Maybe I did." Reid replied with a wink. "I told Will that you're safe and okay."

"What did he say?" JJ asked, starting to regret running out so fast.

"He's glad you're okay." Reid answered vaguely.

"Is everything alright? I mean- usually, _usually_, people don't take walks in the city this late at night?"

"I just needed to get out. God our place is so stuffy." JJ said with a shy giggle before her eyes fell to the mug in her hands.

"What's really going on?"

"Will and I kind of _argued_." JJ blurted surprised with herself at how easily the words tumbled out of her mouth.

"He's just worried about you, you know that right? We all are." Reid said.

"I know...I just- I _don't_ know."

"Don't know what?"

"Don't know how I'm suppose to feel, what I'm suppose to do." JJ answered honestly as her blue eyes began to fill with warm tears.

"You're not _suppose_ to feel any of this. This shouldn't have happened, your experiencing an unusual situation that brings unusual feelings. The important thing is that you recognize these feelings and replace them with the feelings _you_ want. You control you, no one else. You're strong Jayje. So unbelievably strong." Reid said, and JJ saw his own tears silently streaming down his face, along with hers.

"I just- don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to fight, I want to give up." JJ replied honestly, allowing her emotions to invade her usually strong facade.

"I know. I _know_ it's hard. I know how shitty you feel. I know that it feels like it won't ever end, but it will. You won't feel like this forever. You _can't_ let him win."

"And that's the thought that keeps me going. I want nothing more than to curl in in a ball under a rock and never come out, but I'm too...competitive. I can't give in so easily." JJ said with a slight smile as her tears started to ease.

"Thats my Jayje." Reid genuinely smiled. "He's a real bastard, and I promise he'll pay from the very depths of hell. But until that glorious moment, I know you can fight. Miss Pennsylvania Petite can't- I mean _won't_ give up."

"Thanks for everything Reid. You know you mean the world to me. Always have." JJ said followed by a yawn.

"And the same to you." Reid answered as JJ laid her heavy head down in Reid lap, almost instantly finding the peaceful state of sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>I just want to make sure everyone that is reading still wants me to continue? Thanks for the reads and reviews. <strong>


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Reid had been kind enough to let JJ spend the night after her little run away. Plus, Reid had encountered a tired JJ before. Waking JJ from sleep was probably one of the most near suicidal things he could have done. And he didn't have the heart. She had looked so peaceful laying their, he couldn't wake her. So he didn't, and the two friends slept comfortably on the couch for the remainder of the night.

"Thanks again. You really didn't need to let me crash here." JJ kind of scoffed at herself. "Im so embarrassed." Followed by a chuckle.

"Don't worry about it, you're always welcome here." Reid assured.

JJ idly nodded before walking out the door where Will was waiting. Reid had called him again this morning as soon as JJ woke up. Immediately the protective southern hunk was on his way over.

JJ gave him a slight smile, not sure how he would react to the situation.

Awkwardly they got in the car, silence ensuing. Once Will started the car and they began their ascent home, JJ started to speak up.

"I'm sorry, please don't be mad."

"I'm not mad, Jayje." Will let a small smile creep through his lips. "Im just worried. I worry about ya." Will gave JJ a concerned look before turning his eyes back to the road.

"I know." JJ answered quietly.

"I don't want you to feel like you have to 'run away' to...get away. I'll do whatever you want Jayje. I'm on your side here."

JJ nodded, but kept silent.

"If I'm getting in the way, or if I'm just too much...I can go-"

JJ cut him off by putting her finger over his lips.

"Shh. Will. It's not you. I really just...wasn't thinking. I need to just get some fresh air, and I took advantage of all your willingness to help. I really am sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry. I don't want to be any more of a burden than I already am."

The bruises were nearly healed. Only the really bad ones left a faint mark. Her stitches had their moments of uncalled pain, but JJ was healing. Physically her body was just about to peak.

_Good as new. _JJ thought irritably.

"You're _not_ a burden." Will replied, almost like he was angry with himself that JJ could even think like that.

JJ turned her head to look out the window, her lips pursed, trying everything she could to keep the tears at bay.

"I'll do anything to make sure you know that."

Still JJ kept silent, until they pulled into the drive way land Will spoke again.

"That appointment is today. You can go change and I'll take you."

"I don't want to change." JJ mumbled.

"What?" Will asked, not sure if he had heard her right. His JJ had never gone out in public in anything less than business professional. To see her in a T-Shirt would be picture taking memorable.

"I don't want to change." JJ repeated a little bit louder.

Will nodded and started the car again.

* * *

><p>It wasn't long until Chelsea pulled JJ back to her office. JJ examined the office, noticing just how different their offices were, and with in reason. They had different professions, it would only make sense their offices were different.<p>

A black couch lined the back wall, across from the therapist's desk. Bins of toys scattered a corner of Chelsea's office and JJ could only smile as she thought about Henry.

"Sorry about the toys, my little kiddos like to play while they talk." Chelsea turned to face JJ with a smile on her face.

JJ nodded and further entered the office.

"You can sit down, make yourself comfortable." Chelsea prodded.

Upon request, JJ took a seat rigidly on the couch, while Chelsea took a seat in her desk chair across from the couch.

"Well, let's just get into things." Chelsea said with a smile. "So, you're Jennifer. I'm Chelsea. It's really good to meet you." Chelsea joked lightly.

"My friends call me JJ." JJ lightly offered, she knew this would never work if she wasn't at least somewhat cooperative.

"Can I call you JJ?"

JJ hesitantly nodded.

"Great! Now, I just have a few generic questions to ask you, before we get into the good stuff." Chelsea winked.

After a few routine questions, just asking about JJ's normal behavior, they got started.

"I usually don't get into too many details until the second or third time, so how about you just start with telling me what you want me to know."

"Well, I dunno." JJ offered weakly.

"How about you just start with telling me about yourself."

JJ nodded. "I have a son, his name is Henry. And also a husband. His name is Will." JJ chuckled lightly.

"That's great! What else?"

"I'm a FBI agent, I work with the Behavioral Analysis Unit, here in Quantico Virginia."

"Hows that going? Do you enjoy your job?"

"Oh very much so. I have great team members, they're just like family. We're the best criminal profiling team in the country."

"Wow, so you're on high demand?"

"I guess you could say that."

Chelsea stayed quiet just observing JJ's anxious frame.

"You can relax, there is no need to be anxious here."

"I know that." JJ answered matter of factly, but her appearance didn't change. She couldn't help all the anxiety she was feeling. All growing up she had been a "worrier", but she never would have classified herself with "anxiety" until this moment. Until this moment that reminded her of every other time she had felt like this. She realized that it could technically be classified as anxiety.

"I don't mean to make to feel uncomfortable. Do you want to lie down? You're just-a wringing your hands there."

JJ looked down and realized that she had rubbed the, red without even knowing it, just twisting and moving back and forth. A nervous tick she must have developed.

"Im okay." JJ answered without moving.

"If you're sure."

JJ nodded.

A few more generic questions about JJ and she was starting to feel more comfortable in Chelsea's presence.

"Let me ask you something."

JJ nodded her unneeded permission and Chelsea continued.

"Do you think your behavior has changed since the attack? And I use that word loosely."

JJ sat silent for a few moments, really analyzing the question, and her recent life style. She probably looked like a hag in her over sized sweat shirt, greasy hair, left over makeup, and baggy eyes. The last few weeks had not been to pleasing. Clearly.

"Uh, you could say that."

"Like what? What do you think are some big changes?"

"Well, for starters, my unearthly appearance." JJ paused, just looking down to examine her unkempt self.

"I didn't even notice." Chelsea joked, edging JJ further.

JJ smiled back, she really did like Chelsea, and she could relate to her in a weird way. Her subtle sarcasm and easy way of joking was almost like a comfort to JJ.

"I never would have gone out in public like this, it's business formal-always." JJ scoffed at herself, just now realizing how kind of ridiculous that sounded.

"You're professional, there's no problem with flaunting it, especially when you're blessed with that figure."

JJ hesitantly smiled, if only Chelsea could see beneath the bagginess, she wouldn't be so jealous of the skin and bones protruding every which way.

"I can tell you're still anxious, is there anything I can do to help that?"

JJ shook her head. What was she suppose to say? _Well if you could sign my return to work form and forget I was ever here, I think that'd relieve some anxiety. _

"Maybe lets call it a day, I'll see you next week. If that's too long just call and we can schedule another appointment, and if you need anything, please just call." Chelsea smiled again and handed JJ her card. "It really was great to meet you, I'll see you next time."

JJ walked out of the office and found Will waiting, immediately he jumped from his seat to meet JJ.

"He looks like a good one." Chelsea whispered before closing the door on JJ.

JJ followed Will back out to the car. As terrible as she thought it was going to be today, it was somewhat mildly better.

In her book, that's a win.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for sticking with me everyone. I thought you should know that Chelsea is really my therapist, and she is great. The first time I saw her, it went about like how I wrote it, hah. I really appreciate everyone reading this story it means a lot, especially with how personal it is. Everything JJ is going through, I went through, and am still going through at one time or another, and I just hope I can capture it well enough. <strong>

**Thanks again. **


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"How'd it go?" Will immediately asked.

"Better than I imagined. Thanks Will."

Will just smiled as he started the car and they took off. For a long time JJ had just been sitting around, not really doing anything. Somehow Chelsea gave her a second wind, she was going to do something productive today. Maybe do a light workout. Her body was still healing, but she was really missing the active side of her.

Maybe it was time to bring her out.

"Let's go on a run today." JJ announced.

Will sent her a skeptical look.

"Well, at least a walk."

"A walk sounds wonderful Jayje, how'd you come up with that?"

JJ smirked.

"You sarcastic son of a-"

"Woah, woah, woah." Will stopped her, trying to hold in his laughter.

JJ sort of chuckled as they pulled into their driveway, for the second time that morning.

"I'm still sorry about last night." JJ said regretfully.

"No worries Jayje, whatever you need I'm here for you. Just remember that."

"Will do, handsome."

* * *

><p>The rest of the day went similar to most. JJ and Will did take their walk, they even brought Henry along. It was long and the weather was beautiful. JJ loved the beginning of spring, it wasn't too cold, not too warm, just right. And it was absolutely gorgeous.<p>

JJ hadn't felt this content in a long time. It was her first really good day since- JJ took it. She took it gratefully and was taking advantage of it. She wanted her old life back, and one good day at a time was how she was gonna do it.

She was still skipping out on meals, food had yet to sound appealing. She made sure to wear her bagginess clothes, she didn't want to raise any concern around Will or anything. Because she was fine. One day food would sound better, she would stop skipping and her old life would be back.

_Ain't that a thought. _

JJ didn't really see it as a problem, she had been through a traumatic experience, what was the real harm in skipping a meal here and there. It's not like she wasn't eating at _all_. She was just picky.

She could hear Will's vice in the back of her head.

_"But Jayje, you're going to lose too much weight, and then you know where that'll getchya? Back in the hospital." _

She shook the thought away easily. She wasn't doing anything _wrong_. Food just wasn't appetizing yet, she wouldn't skip meals forever.

* * *

><p>As the day came to an end, JJ was feeling refreshed, energized. It was the best she'd felt in a long time. They all welcomed it with open arms.<p>

"I'm really glad today was such a good day. Did Chelsea really help then?" Will asked as they climbed into bed.

"I guess so. I mean...I'd like to think its just me. All on my own, gettin better." JJ said with a wink.

"Definitely." Will agreed with an amused look.

JJ pulled out her book and Will lied down to fall asleep. Will easily fell into a slumber, and 2 hours later JJ was still wide awake reading her book. The book wasn't nearly as interesting as her plaguing thoughts, yet she keep reading. Hoping that something would happen and keep her distracted.

It was like her mind was running a hundred miles an hour. She couldn't stop it, and it wouldn't stop. Her mind was just bouncing from one thing to another, things she didn't want to remember. Stupid things she's done in the past and will never forgive. Bad childhood memories, anything that JJ could possibly come up with, it was running through her mind, driving her insane.

She rubbed her temples, begging her mind to shut up and leave her alone. To forget the things she so desperately wanted to bury and never dig up. Her mind was its own though, and it only kept going. JJ tossed and turned, screaming on the inside, anything she could do to escape.

Suddenly, she jumped from her bed and began pacing. She glanced at the digital clock on her nightstand.

3:02 AM

Her mind was still running crazy, her eye kids drooped, eager for sleep. But if her mind couldn't shut off, her eyes couldn't shut off, which meant no sleep.

JJ began to panic more, she needed sleep, without sleep she couldn't get better. Ifshe wasn't better, she couldn't return to work, and then what purpose would she have? She loved her son and husband dearly. Her family kept her going in the rough times of the FBI, but she needed to help everyone. Random people, lots of people. She thrived on it. The feeling of being needed was like poison, it was good until she cared to a fault. And that's when she put everything on the line.

She was still pacing 30 minutes later, maybe trying to wear herself out. If she stood long enough, maybe the next time she hit the bed, exhaustion would take over her crazy mind, and put her out of her misery.

Her mind had some what slowed down, just analyzing certain events JJ didn't want to remember. As if mocking her, brutally shoving it in her face, like there was nothing she could do.

"Now listen to me, _I_ own you!" JJ whispered under her breath.

A second later she stopped pacing. Her head fell into her hands with an evident despair. She collapsed face first on to her bed.

"They're gonna lock me up. I'm crazy. I'm talking to myself!" JJ cried into her pillow.

She started to sob into her pillow.

Will heard the disturbance and woke up, he checked the clock and looked over at JJ. Her face was shoved into her pillow, trying to muffle her heartbreaking sobs.

"Jayje?" Will whispered into the night and gently put his hand on the small of her back.

JJ hadn't been expecting to wake her husband, and when she heard him through her sobs, she became embarrassed and depressed. She jumped from the bed in a panic and fright.

"Don't touch me." She growled through gritted teeth. She felt like a wild animal that couldn't be tamed. There was no hope for her now, a lost cause.

"I'm sorry JJ. Can I talk to you?" Will asked gently.

JJ kept silent. Her brow was hard, she was angry. Angry with herself, angry with Will for waking up, and then angry with herself again because _she_ woke him up. Her sobs started to ease and she listened to the calming sound of Will's voice.

"Hey, we're okay. We're safe. No need to panic. Do you want to talk?"

"I'm not panicking." JJ grumbled after a moment of silence.

"Okay, then what's going on? Why did you wake up? Was it a nightmare?"

JJ started to sniffle. She wished it had only been a nightmare, at least she would have gotten some benefits from the rest.

"I never went to sleep."

"Why's that?" Will asked as gently as possible.

"Because I couldn't." JJ said through gritted teeth. She was using anger to mask her real depression, and sense of self hatred. She couldn't even go to sleep? She must be some sort of pathetic.

"Come here, come lay down. I'll tickle your back."

JJ hesitantly nodded and then climbed up on their bed. She laid on her stomach and Will's gentle hands went to work. His fingertips were a warmth and comfort JJ forgot how much she loved. Will really calmed her down.

"Talk to me." JJ muttered. Her book couldn't keep her distracted from her brain, but maybe Will could.

"Sure." Will started on a story JJ had heard countless times. He knew she loved it, and it brought a warm smile to her face.

"I was only 12, clearly naive to the world..."

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks to the reviews. I should try and explain this chapter a bit. What JJ goes through is an insomnia attack. These are how my insomnia attacks go, I'm not sure how anybody else's is...or what not. But they are incredibly infuriating, like you can't have control over your body, and I just hope I captured that well enough in this chapter. Thanks for your endless support, it means so much to me. <strong>


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

JJ had fallen asleep in the words of Will. His southern accent put her right to sleep, and she couldn't have been more grateful for the few hours of blissful sleep. When she awoke Will was already out of bed, and from the smell, making a breakfast JJ likely wouldn't eat. Or would wind up throwing it up. She wanted to just yell and say-

"It's a waste if time! You're trying to feed a food resistant, pathetic loser!"

But instead she crawled out of bed and let her dirty hair hang loosely around her face. She wore an oversized T-shirt that hit the upper side of her mid thigh. Pants were really a bother and when the T-shirt hid everything, she just left it that way. It was a much easier lifestyle, people should really clue in. And she told Will this countless times.

She stumbled out of the room and Will turned around. He whistled at her disheveled sight and smirked.

"Damn babe. You woke up _fine_."

"Oh Will." JJ slurred. "You really get me." JJ muttered and fell on the couch face first, her face smushed into the cushion and she was momentarily comfortable in the odd position until she heard Will's sarcastic voice.

"That looks comfy."

JJ turned her head with a small smile.

"You would know." JJ muttered and returned her head back into the cushion of the couch.

Will chuckled and walked back to the kitchen.

"I made waffles." Will said.

"I don't want any." JJ muttered into the couch cushion.

"What?"

JJ sighed and sat up in the couch.

"I said...thank you." JJ lied and got up from the couch.

Her breakfast was already waiting on the table and she grudgingly sat down on the stool while Will grinned at her.

"You seem happy today." Will said sarcastically.

She appreciated his effort to make things as normal as possible for her, but today...she just felt _blah_.

"What gave it away?" JJ mumbled.

"You really want to know?"

JJ was surprised by his response and gave him a wide eyed stare, urging him to continue.

"I really think it was the no pants."

"I've already told you Will. No pants are good pants." JJ said.

Will chuckled and got himself a plate of food and sat down by JJ. She still hadn't touched her food and Will stared at the blonde until she looked back.

"Was it something I said?" Will joked.

JJ rolled her eyes with a slight creep of a smile and tried putting a bite in her mouth. It tasted like she was chewing sawdust and when she tried to swallow the dirt, she ended up gagging and spitting it out.

"That bad huh?" Will said.

"I'm sorry Will, I'm really just not hungry." JJ replied, trying not to sound as weak or pathetic as she felt.

Will just laughed.

"What?" JJ said, shocked that he could be laughing right now after she just spit out the food he had made.

"I just keep replaying it in my head." Will laughed again.

JJ's jaw dropped in a surprised smile.

Will looked at her and started laughing again, JJ quickly moved to slug him in the shoulder.

"Hey, easy." Will said while rubbing the new sore spot.

JJ pursed her lips in a tight smile, trying to give him the benefit of her amusement in the situation. Will just grinned back, staring deeply into her deep blue eyes that seemed to look a little less dull. Almost reviving their once vibrant blue.

Will leaned into JJ's hear and breathed heavily on her neck until he finally spoke.

"I love you." Will whispered, allowing his hot breath to drip down JJ's neck releasing an evident shiver.

JJ smiled and turned back to face Will, she grabbed the sides of his face with her hands and stared at him. This was the man she fell in love with. The man she married. And the man she had a kid with. How had she ever gotten so lucky.

"I love you too." JJ whispered back before pressing her lips against his, they were sticky and syrup drenched, but she didn't even care. This man brought out the best in her, even in her darkest night this southern hunk managed to find a way to love JJ endlessly through it all.

Will's hand wrapped behind her neck, grabbing right at the crook and pushing the kiss harder, with more passion. While his other arm snaked around JJ's waist and lifted her off the stool. JJ's feet found the ground, while never breaking contact.

JJ pulled back and smiled at Will, but didn't let her hands leave his face.

"I feel good." JJ admitted.

"I know." Will whispered back and picked her up again, he carried her to the couch and JJ allowed little giggles of delight seep through her lips.

Will put her down on the couch, and didn't hesitate to climb on top. He made sure not to put any weight on JJ, while Sshe was almost healed, her stab wound would still be sore for a while and he didn't want to risk it.

Will's lips met her own in a deep embrace, while their hands roamed each others familiar bodies. JJ didn't think, she just did. Forgetting everything for a while, and letting passion take over emotion, forcing her body to remember Will's and every crevice she had become to love.

For several moments JJ was content, she loved her husband infinitely, his touch sent her racing. She adored every minute, every second that she could remember this man was _hers_. He wouldn't hurt her, he would only treat her with the utmost respect that she truly deserved.

And for a minute, it was just them.

The world was gone.

Memories...gone.

And for the second day in a row, she was finally starting to feel like the _real_ JJ.

Finally JJ pushed Will off her with a grin.

"Go brush, you have waffle breath."

* * *

><p><strong>I thought JJ could use a good day after a rough nightweek. But things are not all as they seem. Hastings is still at large and ready to finish was he started. Please bless me with your wonderful reviews you lovely people! Thanks for reading I really appreciate all your wonderful support! :)**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Another restless night passed, and throughout the dark room JJ could almost sense a dirty pair of eyes on her vulnerable body. She blamed her hyperactive-self and pretended that she was going to get some sleep. Somehow around 3 am, JJ was lucky enough to catch a few hours of sleep.

The next morning JJ was feeling less like herself than she had the past couple days. When Will re-entered the room that next morning he could tell JJ's lucky streak seemed to be at a plateau. He sat on the edge of the bed, while JJ refused to sit up from the horizontal place on her back.

Will sighed and sat in silence for a moment. Finally he cleared his throat and spoke.

"Jayje?"

"Go to work." JJ answered curtly.

"Sorry, what?"

"You've taken off too many days, go to work."

"I'm not leaving you Jay."

"I don't really think the choice is yours." JJ grimaced at her own words but refused to take them back as she sat up from the bed and stood up to walk away. She walked into the bathroom and turned on the sink to hot water. She shoved her hands underneath the stream and began scrubbing. Unsurprisingly Will followed her in, his mouth a bit agape in surprise.

"Is there something you want to talk about?" Will asked tentatively.

"What's there to talk about?" JJ retorted quickly. "I've got to take Henry to soccer practice at 3." JJ said, effectively changing the subject.

"I can do that." Will answered.

"No, because you're going to work."

"I still have a couple more days."

"Well, lucky for you, you can save them for a rainy day."

The water was steaming and JJ was finally aware of the burning radiating from her hands. She looked down, and a red exterior mirrored back. She didn't move, and Will was forced to shut the water off so JJ wouldn't keep hurting herself.

"You don't think today is a rainy day?" Will commented and gestured to JJ's red hands.

JJ huffed and walked out of the bathroom, she wasn't sure where she was going to go, she just knew she was upset. She wasn't sure why...maybe it was the uneasiness growing in the pit of her stomach, or maybe it was just the fact that she had two really good days and this one just wasn't living up. That definitely wasn't good enough for Jennifer Jareau.

"JJ, stop." Will grabbed JJ's wrist and pulled her back from her storm off. "What's going on? Talk to me."

JJ tried to break Will's grip and walk away, but he held tight and looked deeply into her eyes. She could see the concern growing on his face. JJ could feel her face heating up, and warm tears seemed to fill her dry eyes.

"I don't know! I don't know what's wrong with me! I'm going crazy!" JJ exclaimed. She finally broke Will's grip and started for the door.

"JJ wait, you're not crazy." Will said. JJ grabbed the door handle and twisted, barely opening the door, but Will pushed it closed before she could get out. Her blond locks fell across her face, she breathed heavily, and Will could see the threatening tears. Her hands lightly shook, while her blue eyes couldn't break the stare with Will's dark eyes.

"I can't say I know how you're feeling...because I don't." Will said quietly. "But I do know something, I love you. I love the way your eyes light up when you see Henry score a goal in soccer. I love the way your lips purse when you're angry. I love that you are successful and confident. That you know who you are and aren't afraid to out someone in their place if they challenge you."

JJ smiled lightly, and Will returned it with a light chuckle. His hand slid from the door and he stood up a little straighter, and reached his hand over to grab JJ's. He wrapped his fingers around the shaking exterior, and rubbed in gentle circles.

His eyes got wide as threatening water droplets nearly fell.

"And I love you for you. I've never stopped and I never will. Even if you have given up on yourself, I haven't given up on you. Whatever happened in the past is done now, theres no changing it, and there never will be. I don't love you any less...if anything I love you more! Because look at you now! Stronger than ever before. Henry has such a great mom. And I have such a...great, beautiful wife." A wet tear slipped down his face and dropped to the floor. JJ watched the small puddle spread by his feet. Will placed two fingers underneath her chin and lifted it up to his face. JJ met his eyes with a smile, and the two joined in a passionate kiss.

* * *

><p>JJ got Henry to and from soccer practice and when she got home she was met by Will waiting with a candle lit dinner. She dropped her purse in the entry way and her mouth went to her agape mouth with a gasp.<p>

"Will." JJ said.

"I didn't know how else to show you how much I love you."

"That was smooth." JJ said with a smirk and a raised eyebrow in sarcasm.

Will shrugged and chuckled lightly.

"Hey bud, how was practice?" Will asked as Henry walked over to give his dad a hug.

"Awesome! I scored another goal!" Henry cried, while dragging out the word in a more dramatic expression.

"That's my boy." Will said and ran his fingers through Henry's long blond hair. "You're still the best right?"

"Duh!" Henry yelled as he ran to his room.

JJ returned her gaze back to Will with a grin.

"We made that." JJ said as she fell into Will's strong arms.

"Pretty good one ain't he?"

"Musta been my genes that took preference."

"Hah! Good one Jayje, that was funny."

JJ lightly pushed Will away and punched his shoulder.

Will mocked pain with a wide open mouth and an over exaggerated face of pain.

"You're such a dork!" JJ cried.

"Sorry what? I couldn't hear you." Will said as he picked JJ up and carried her wiggling body to the back bedroom.

"Will!" JJ screamed, trying to hold in her giggles.

"Yes princess?" Will laid JJ down on the bed and then fell next to her.

The two sat in silence just looking at the ceiling for a moment until JJ spoke.

"I'm going to see Chelsea tomorrow."

"That's good." Will said.

"Is it?"

"What do you mean?" Will questioned.

JJ sat up on her side and leaned on her elbow, Will mimicked her position to talk to her. "You don't think that me seeing a therapist has any negative effect on our relationship?" JJ honestly questioned.

"Why would it?"

"It's weird!"

"What do you mean?" Will repeated.

"People that are married shouldn't have to go to counseling. And if they do it's _both_ of them and for their _marriage_. Not just one of them because...ya know."

"Jayje, I just want you to be happy. I'll do anything to have you like this all the time. If you don't want to do anything that is 'weird' then let's not do the therapist right now. You need to do what works for you. Not whats worked for the majority of the population that has gone through something similar to you."

JJ sat silently, pondering Will's words. He was exactly right, she needed to do what was best for her.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry for the late update everyone. <strong>


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

JJ lazily walked in Chelsea's office. She was unconsciously wringing her hands, trying to calm her nerves. She bit her lip and darted her eyes around the area. She tried to keep her calm and cool exterior, but the whole office made her anxious.

Finally she saw Chelsea's familiar face appear from behind a wall that lead back to the offices. She gave JJ a light smile and beckoned her to follow. JJ looked back at Will in the car outside of the translucent office and timidly followed JJ back to her office. As soon as they sat down Chelsea began talking.

"So, how the heck are ya?" Chelsea asked. Trying to keep the conversation light for now.

"Good." JJ classically answered.

"That sounded sarcastic."

JJ lightly smiled but refused to acknowledge Chelsea's statement.

"So what's been going on with you?"

"Just been taking it easy."

"That's good. Sounds relaxing."

"Yeah it has been."

"I bet your doctor is happy with that answer too."

"Yeah. My wounds have healed even faster than expected. No more bruises and my stomach is only a little tender."

"So physically you're feeling better?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that. Other than my recent insomnia episodes." JJ was surprised with herself when she let that tumble from her mouth. Something about this woman made her feel safe. Like it was okay to let these personal things be known. Never had JJ really felt like that. Except with Chelsea.

"Oh really? Tell me more about that."

"Well there's nothing really to say about it. I can't sleep. My husband is worried. He's actually been looking for a good sleeping pill to help."

"What do you do when you can't sleep?"

JJ kind of sarcastically chuckled. "Knowing me, you'd think I would get a whole bunch of stuff done. What's better than one day? Two days _in_ one day."

Chelsea lightly smiled her agreement and silently urged her to go on.

"But it's like I'm someone else."

JJ went silent, not really wanting to talk about all these personal things. All these things she learned to bottle up inside her and never let out.

Chelsea kept quiet waiting for JJ to continue.

"It's like I'm going insane." JJ choked on the words.

"You're not insane. Most people after a traumatic experience think they're crazy. But you're not. I promise."

JJ nodded but clearly didn't believe her.

"What makes you think you're crazy?"

"I don't know. Its like my mind is running a million miles an hour. And it's bombarding me with things I try so hard to forget." JJ began talking faster and faster with each word. Each one reminding her of the feeling, the feeling of being so helpless. "It's like I'm trapped. Stuck. And I can't get out. All I can do is...suffer through it."

"What kind of things run through your mind? Or make you feel trapped?" Chelsea asked gently.

JJ opened her mouth, but immediately shut it again. She started shaking her head in refusal.

"No. No, I cant!" JJ cried.

She jumped from her seat just as Chelsea got up from hers to help calm JJ down. JJ's hands rushed to her head and began running themselves through her hair. Her face contorted in confusion and fear, while she tried to get out of the room. But Chelsea grabbed her forearm and started talking slowly.

"JJ is in control. No one else."

JJ shook her head again, trying to hold back the tears of emotion trembling so close to the edge.

"Jennifer Jareau is in charge. It's okay. You're safe."

JJ looked right at Chelsea's dark eyes.

"It's okay." Chelsea whispered and JJ repeated her while nodding. JJ sat back down and after a moment Chelsea sat back down.

JJ immediately began apologizing.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

"You're scared. You've been through a traumatic experience. You have no reason to apologize. And you shouldn't worry, I've seen way worse in this office." Chelsea lightly smiled.

JJ nodded and tucked her hair nervously behind her ears.

"Did you track your emotions like I asked?" Chelsea asked, effectively changing the subject.

"Oh, no. I forgot."

"No worries." Chelsea pulled out a pen and paper and began writing at the top. She labeled columns with words like, "rate", "emotion", "cope", and "rate" again. She handed the paper over to JJ with a smile. "Can you try and remember this week?"

JJ accepted the paper, but opened her mouth with a rebuttal.

"About that. I don't think we should do this anymore."

"What are you talking about?"

"I just don't think this is a good idea. I'm really not a very open person. Im better at just keeping it to myself."

"JJ. You need help. Just from that one sentence I can see something you're doing wrong."

"What?"

"You're not letting anyone in. And you're not going to feel better until you do. I can help. And you may not know it, but you want help. I can see it. You don't want to feel like this anymore."

JJ averted her eyes to the floor once again.

"How about we try one more week. See if next week is better, and we'll go from there."

JJ nodded and swallowed a gulp.

"Great. It was good to see you this week JJ. I look forward to next week. Remember to track your emotions. Oh! And when you're having your insomnia, write down everything that's going on in your mind."

JJ hesitantly nodded.

"Will you try to do that?"

"Yes." JJ offered weakly and left Chelsea's office, eager to see Will.

* * *

><p>The couple arrived home in silence. JJ was unnervingly anxious for some reason. The whole day had been a tumbleweed of emotions and anxiety. She couldn't wait to put her pajamas on and just turn in for the night. Even though it was only 2 in the afternoon.<p>

JJ crept up the porch steps and smiled lightly when Will rushed to beat her to the door, just to make sure he could open it for her.

"What a gentleman." JJ said with a little smile.

Will shrugged with a little grin.

JJ leaned over and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you." JJ whispered as Will wrapped his arms around JJ's waist and pulled her close.

"For what?"

"For everything. I wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't for you."

Will pulled back and gave JJ a questioning look. JJ pulled him in closer and whispered in his ear.

"You kept me going."

Will smiled lightly and pulled JJ's chin away from his ear and towards his own mouth. They embraced in a passionate kiss, and for a moment, nothing existed but them. When they finally parted JJ had a wide grin.

"I love you!" JJ said.

"I love you too." Will replied with a bit of a chuckle at JJ's excitement.

The couple walked in the house and JJ collapsed on the couch.

"Want me to make you something?" Will asked and traveled into the kitchen.

"Um...sure."

"Really?" Will replied. Usually he had to bribe JJ into eating.

"Yeah, I think I'm hungry."

"Great, I'll make you the best dang-" Will stopped midsentence at the sound of a little crash in a nearby room.

"I thought Henry was playing at Isaac's?" JJ whispered.

"He is." Will whispered back.

JJ got up from her seat on the couch and rushed behind the island into Will's waiting arms. Will had grabbed one of the kitchen knives and was holding it threateningly in his right hand, and JJ in the other.

After a few moments of silence and heavy breathing, Will spoke.

"It's probably nothing." Will whispered.

"If you think it's nothing, then why are you still whispering?" JJ whispered back. Trying to calm her own nerves.

"Jennifer. Call 911." Will said right as Hastings popped his head around the corner from Henry's room.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, _Jennifer_." Hastings mused.

JJ clutched the outer bicep of Will's arm. Her knuckles clenched white while her throat went dry. Hastings face rugged with years of battle, of a desperate need for revenge. It didn't start out as revenge. It started out as a simple ransom need for the INTEGRITY password, but now it was so much more. Now Hastings felt like he needed to put JJ in her spot, she needed to pay. The aging lines on his face etched a very clear motive. His lips were slightly up turned, a silly grin with a deadly motive. His deep set eyes reflected a green the color of a dying tree. Accented by a small delicately formed mouth, finely boned, long nosed, and high cheek bones. His face was symmetrically made, however when JJ saw it, she despised every line, every mark, every unique thing that made his face categorized as "Hastings".

JJ clenched her jaw, she knew she was probably putting nail marks in Will's arm with how hard she was pushing; however, JJ couldn't control herself. Her emotions were on a wild roller coaster that only went down. The fear was overwhelming, it is a matter that holds no true form, it weaves into the hearts of all. A formless matter trapped in a cage made of thin wood, bathed in blood and pure adrenaline.

"Leave." JJ said with as much confidence as she could recruit. She kept her small frame hidden behind Will so Hastings wouldn't see her shaking frame, or the effect he had made on her.

Hastings just chuckled in reply. "So weak...so out of _character_."

Will and JJ kept silent and Hastings reached behind his back. He pulled out a black metal that was all to familiar to both officers of the law. He lightly thumbed the gun and twisted it around his finger.

"Guns really are weird. Wouldn't you agree?" Hastings mulled. He started moving closer, slowly just a random step every now and then. "Just like that," Hastings whipped the gun up to aim at the couple. When JJ and Will shuttered he grinned lightly and dropped the gun, "you have a chunk of metal in your body."

"What do you want?" Will asked. "You want money? I can give you mon-" Will was cut off as Hastings brought the gun back up and aimed at Will.

"I don't want your money." Hastings paused and eyed JJ. "I want your wife."

"You know I can't do that." Will said deeply. His voice, it was low, with an agreeable trace of huskiness and with a hint of more power than his hiding position would emit. Will held up the knife in the most threatening position he could convey.

"Which weapon do you think is going to win in this dual?" Hastings taunted. He was now only separated from the couple by the island in their kitchen. He smacked his hands down on the counter, the gun clanking against the granite. "Enough games, give me what I want, or I'll take it."

"What are you going to do with her?" Will asked.

"What does it concern you?"

"Well if I am going to give away my wife, the least I should get is an explanation. I have to know what to tell my son when he asks where his mom is." Will rumbled.

"Will." JJ whispered in his ear. Her hot breath leaking down his neck like sap on a tree. Slowly and sticky, but steadily, only to elicit a chilled reaction.

Will ignored JJ and kept his focus on the intruder.

By JJ's reaction, Hastings demeanor changed. He was now slightly interested.

Will grabbed JJ's hand from behind he held it tightly behind his back, the knife that was at his side slid behind his back and he put it in JJ's hand. He squeezed her hand once more before dropping his hands from hers. He wasn't as smooth as he thought, Hastings immediately noticed and whipped the gun right back up. JJ was to the right side of Will, only partly hiding behind his broad shoulders. His left side was left completely open.

JJ registered the look on Hastings face and immediately knew what he was going to do. Just the slight twitch of Hastings pointer finger and a loud resonance.

"NO!" JJ screamed at the top of her lungs, piercing the air with her avid worry. The scream tore through the three adults like a great shard of glass. JJ felt her eyes widen and pulse quicken, her heart thudding like a rock rattling in box. The scream came again, desperate, terrified... human. The blood drained from JJ's face, did Hastings hit his mark...Will's heart?

JJ dropped to her knees behind the island where Will was laying. She immediately put her hand over the jagged bullet wound hole. It wasn't pretty, his left shoulder was oozing with warm scarlet rivers, all the way down his arm and pooling on the floor underneath his shoulder and around his head. Will groaned and clutched his aching shoulder. His distorted view slowly came to focus. It was like the kind of night that was bleak, dark, mysterious and you just couldn't see much. The kind of night you would rather stay at home than be in. Blankets of darkness seemed to creep and crowd Will's vision on and off again.

JJ was still screaming and trying to keep Will lucid. Tears streamed down her face unconsciously. JJ cried as if her brain was being shredded from the inside. Emotional pain flowed out of his every pore. From her mouth came a continuous cry so raw...so heartbreaking.

She laid on Will's chest, sobbing and clutching his wound only hoping to stop the bleeding. It wasn't a moment later that Hastings had walked around the island and wrapped his arms around JJ's waist. He picked her up and latched his hands in front of her stomach. JJ started flailing in his grasp. Her arms and legs were free, while he tried carrying her out of the bloody room.

"Will! Will!" JJ screamed over and over, but Hastings just kept carrying her further and further away.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

A narrow, asphalt strip of turf on either side of her was Hastings escape. JJ could feel his fingers dig into her right cheek, the four blackened ovals that would remain and discolor her skin long after the blood had dried from her veins. Her screams were continually stifled. She could hear him panting, the pleasure in his breath, like an animal in heat. He was not stealing but rather claiming what was rightfully his. He did not speak, no need to tell her not to fight, to not make a sound. His fingers did all the work. Cling, hook, crush, threatening to unhinge her very jaw if another sound were to leave her lips. That was how she was to remain, silent. His long bony fingers could effectively wrap around her entire jaw line, not just the silent threat was keeping her mouth shut.

Her eyes were wide, really showing the bright blue, like the sky right before the sun disappears-dark rich indigo, with specks of wild colors here and there. But there in the glaring sun, her eyes glistened, they were iridescent and flecked with every shade of blue. More of a dark blue that seemed to be its own raging ocean in her eye socket. She idly scanned the familiarity of her neighborhood. Searching for anything that could help her escape, for everything she had learned in basic training for the FBI. Her best chance of survival was to escape in the actual abduction scene.

However, Hastings grip around her mouth was terrifying. She had only seen this strength in him once before. With the..._first_ time. His clutch around her mouth kept her stifled screams inaudible. His other arm was wrapped around her waist, carrying her down the driveway to his get away vehicle, slightly parked away from the Jareau-Lamontagne household. The ache in her stomach from the pressure was predominantly present, however JJ ignored the constant pain. While, petrifying memories seemed to help Hastings in keeping her captive. His long, bony fingers matched his long arms. His right arm wrapped completely around her waist. While JJ knew she was petite, it still was unnerving to know how easily Hastings could wrap around her and take her. Just like that.

But not this time.

Spindly trees and stone pillars accented one of JJ's neighbors houses. Madalee Staheli lived across the street with a beautiful wrought iron gate sweeping wide and curved at the top like a grand entrance. JJ considered her and Madalee great friend, often times they would try to get together for lunch, just to escape from the world. Like JJ, Madalee worked in a government job. She was a local DA and knew the terrible things JJ saw on the daily. JJ believed that is why the two women got along so well. Her heart ached at the thought of not seeing Madalee again for a regular lunch. Something so simple, but simply meant so much.

JJ was kicking, flailing really, but in her recent weeks, eating had not been a priority. She was reduced to little exercise while healing from her wounds. And this only made Hastings job easier. JJ was easily only a hundred pounds, give or take a few. Hastings probably lifted more than her weight regularly in the gym. This made her want to scream out in even more mental agony. She had never felt so useless in her life. She felt weak, hopeless, pathetic she couldn't even break away from Hastings enough to make a successful escape.

A second wind overcame JJ, enough was enough. JJ was a fighter, she was strong and could hold her own. Even at a whopping 100 pounds JJ could take the man down. That's why they called her the Pennsylvania Petite right? JJ clenched her teeth, her heart was pounding rapidly in her chest but JJ tried to ignore it and slow her breathing. With the sun beating down JJ began to feel the sweat that she was covered in. JJ's fear gave her extra strength. JJ ripped one of her arms from the captivity underneath Hastings right arm around her waist, she immediately swung madly at her attacker. Even when it hardly effects Hastings, JJ cannot stop herself, her will to survive is too strong. Again she swung back until the grip around her waist was slightly loosened. She ripped her other arm out and before she knew it, Hastings was stumbling on the driveway, trying to regain control. Her grass lawn suddenly came into view as Hastings dropped her on the grass ground.

JJ remembered every childhood moment of scuffing her knee in the grass and looking down to find a nasty grass stain. Her mother would yell at her and Rosaline for all the grass stains she would find on the knee of their pants. But in that moment, while her back and leg scuffed up next to the grass, surely making a mark, the only thing she could think of was if this would finally be the time she met Rosaline again.

Her grip on reality was quickly brought back by a slap to the face, literally. Hastings was done screwing around, he wanted JJ easy and done with. He wanted sweet revenge and a nice relaxing beer. He wanted to remember this moment as a successes, not as a hard, physically challenging endeavor that left him hurt and almost regretting his effort all together.

Hastings managed to get another clear shot to her torso, right in the sore spot was all JJ could think. How could he have been so lucky, or surely knowing, of exactly where to hurt her most. Her stomach had already had a tender, pulsating ache. That one brutal punch ripped the breath from JJ's lungs like Hastings had personally reached his hand down her throat and pried it out himself. JJ's small, delicately formed lips fell open, a silent scream of agonizing pain. She briefly wondered if Hastings had torn her slowly and recently healed stitches.

At this point Hastings had been attempting to regain his grip on JJ. JJ had gotten a few good hits in, while adequately making sure she was struggling just enough to piss off Hastings. JJ's pearly teeth bit down on her lip and squeezed her eyes shut before muttering out.

"Bastard."

"What?" Hastings asked with a little grin. He had clearly heard her, but he just got a kick out of seeing her like this.

"Bastard!" JJ said again, she gritted her teeth, while gently trying to stop clutching the ache at her stomach.

"It takes one to know one, wouldn't you think?" Hastings played back.

JJ whipped over to her stomach and tried getting on all fours, she needed to escape. Even though she knew her chances of actually getting away from this position was little to none, with him standing right above her, she had to try anyway. At least had to make it hard on the asshole. Once she had gotten on all fours, Hastings quickly pounced. He couldn't have her getting away now. He had put to much work and crime into getting to this point. He got on her back and JJ fell back down on the grass. Underneath his weight, she turned over and the two began wrestling. Each fighting for the perfect move to cripple the other and get what they needed. Capture or escape.

JJ was screaming and muttering under his weight, she had a lost a lot of her muscle mass in the previous weeks, his large frame was nothing easy to move, but Hastings sure was having a hell of a time in amusement at JJ's efforts. JJ managed to get her knee up from the ground, she waited until Hastings moved down just a little and she would have a perfect shot as his manhood. It wasn't long until the moment came and JJ took full advantage of her opportunity. Hastings face told her all she needed to know. She had hit her mark. He rolled off her body embarrassingly clutching his manhood.

JJ tried standing up, deep breaths racked through her body. Just as she stood up Hastings grasped her ankle and took her right back down. JJ reached her hands out to stop the impact but they couldn't break her entire fall. Her face slammed against the cement edge connecting to the grass. JJ groaned out in pain, blood immediately started to gush, she reached her hand over to the bloody mess and noticed it had split her lip as well. She heard Hastings chuckle behind her and she felt her heart drop.

It was over.

Not a moment later JJ heard something so sweet. So familiar, a sense of beckoning hope.

"FBI hands up."

Just as quickly as the deep words processed, Hastings pulled her up in front of him as a shield. He wrapped his arm around her neck in a choke hold and began backing away from the freedom standing in front of JJ.

She saw her team, Emily, Reid, Hotch...Morgan. All of them. They held their guns up threateningly. Each had their own sense of a glare on their face, trying to remain neutral in the situation, but each knowing of the deadly consequences if they failed.

"I will kill her, don't come close to me." Hastings threatened. His grip around her neck slightly tightened.

"Will's inside, he's bleeding. Help him!" JJ cried.

Hastings grip tightened enough to completely cut off JJ's airway. She began sputtering and clawing at his arm around her neck.

"Stop it, you don't want another murder on your list of charges." Morgan warned.

Hastings lightly eased up enough for JJ to take one deep breath before she heard his sickening chuckle once more.

"Who cares? I'm already going to prison for life, whats one more murder on my rap sheet?" Hastings mused.

"You lost Hastings, it's over. The only thing you are doing right now is getting yourself in more trouble." Hotch said.

"Like I said, I don't think I can get in more trouble."

"Then we'll just have to shoot you." Morgan said.

"You forget I worked for the same people you do. You don't have a clean shot, you won't shoot. I have something you want."

"Oh, but you underestimate me." Morgan growled.

JJ gulped as she heard the cock of a gun. She was sure he had elicited the reaction they wanted from Hastings, their faces said it all. Everything was almost silent for a full moment.

"Tell the DA to give me a deal if I let her go." Hastings said.

"You got it." Rossi answered.

Hastings pushed JJ away from his body right to where Emily had been standing. Some of the extra police officers rushed into JJ's house, while the male FBI agents quickly attacked Hastings and roughly put him in cuffs.

"What's my deal going to be?" Hastings asked.

"You really are an idiot." Rossi said.

Hastings gave Rossi a questioning look.

"We aren't actually going to give you a deal...no you're going to be in prison for a loooong time." Rossi chuckled lightly and shoved a hysterical Hastings in the back of the first black SUV.

Emily walked JJ over to the ambulance waiting.

"No, I need Will. Is he okay?" JJ quickly asked.

"JJ you need a doctor, I will make sure Will is okay, but you need to go the hospital. Now." Emily instructed.

Tears streamed down JJ's face.

"I'm not going without Will by my side." JJ nearly whispered.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

"JJ..." Emily trailed off.

"Please, go make sure he is okay." JJ said.

"If you get in the ambulance and let the technician check your injuries, I will make sure they don't leave without Will." Emily finally compromised.

JJ nodded her head and Emily helped her to sit down on the edge of the ambulance. Emily briefly explained what she wanted to the woman technician working in the back of the ambulance. The technician took a look at JJ and hesitatingly agreed. Emily gave one last glance to JJ and hopped out of the ambulance. She ran to the front steps of JJ's comfortable home. Just as she reached the door she saw a gurney being wheeled out.

Will's pale face was almost ghostly. He had several different objects connected to him. His neck was held steady by a standard brace, an EMT was doing CPR as they pushed him through the door.

As quickly as she had seen him, he was gone.

But she did know one thing, he was alive.

Emily stood still, almost transfixed. She bit the inside of her cheeks as she wished to make all this go away. The gunshot wound spilled blood. Even through the pressure they were attempting to put on the wound. The color itself was surprising, people expected blood to look red, but in reality it was a dark color, with maroon shades around the edges. It looked like it was drying before it even rushed out of his body. She could see the warm liquid snaking down his arm, and despite her urge to wipe it off, she knew that it wouldn't change anything. The vile smell traveled up her nostrils and Emily remembered every brutal memory that sick smell brought.

Quickly Emily shook her head and followed behind the paramedics and Will. She didn't even have to tell them anything. They wheeled Will right to the ambulance where JJ was waiting.

JJ couldn't focus on anything, she could only make out the blurred shape of the ambulance through her blood shot, puffy, crying eyes. JJ stared as she watched the life slowly draining out of Will's eyes. He went pale and limp. A pair of strong hands pulled JJ back into the blinding light of the ambulance yet she still didn't move. Will's body was on a stretcher and pushed into the ambulance with JJ. The van stank slightly like sulfur and chemicals. It numbed JJ's nose and choked her, she sat on the crisp white sheets that crinkled beneath her weight, she clung to them like she would to the lifeless body before her. The drips rattled as the van sped off to the hospital. JJ shook on the seat across from Will's stretcher, her feet floated across the speckled ambulance floor.

Finally they reached the hospital. The hospital corridor was stuffy and the air had an undertone of bleach. The walls are magnolia and are scraped in places from the hundreds of things that have bumped into them. The pictures on the walls are cheap benign prints of uplifting scenes and above the double doors are large blue plastic signs with the areas of the hospital that lie ahead.

They reached a set of double doors and JJ looked up to see the blue sign read "TRAUMA CENTER" JJ's heart broke inside of her, last time it was the other way around and she was the one being rushed into surgery.

Before she could follow them through the doors a nurse turned back with solemn eyes.

"I'm sorry, you have to stay out here. I promise we will take the best care of him." The kind nurse said, but JJ was in no state to negotiate.

"No! I need to be with him! He needs me!" JJ cried, she was hysterical.

The nurse tried wrapping her arms around JJ, but JJ was flailing and sobbing, trying to get back to Will's side. Not a moment later she heard a familiar voice and a set of arms wrapped around her waist and picked her up, carrying her away from the doors. She recognized the dark arms immediately, but she was furious that he would pick the other side.

"I thought we were on the same team!" JJ cried and screamed while trying to wriggle out of Morgan's arms.

"JJ, listen to me." Morgan whispered in her ear.

JJ almost immediately went limp, his voice...it just got her.

Morgan gently put her back on the floor. Her legs caught her weight and she turned back to look at Morgan with streaming tears.

"Will is going to be fine. You know how I know that?"

"How?" JJ whispered.

"Because of you."

JJ gave him a questioning look.

"I know how much you love him, I can see the passion, he won't leave. He's got too much to hang on to."

JJ smiled lightly, but quickly her face dropped.

"Oh my God, Henry!" JJ realized.

"Easy Jayje, Emily and Reid went to go get him."

JJ's tense posture slightly lightened.

"Come on now, the doctors need to check you out too." Morgan said and put his hand on the small of JJ's back, guiding her to the nurse station.

Ten minutes later JJ was in her own cream colored room being examined by a mid-aged doctor. He had light grey hair that looked like the back of a fuzzy animal. His posture was sturdy and structured. He was broad shouldered and bigger boned, while not being obese. His eyes were hard, as if he had been doing his job for too long and was sick of the pain and disgust it was currently bringing. Something about him made the hairs on JJ's neck stand up...he was clearly big enough to overpower her.

_Why did I go straight there? _

JJ shook her discomfort away.

The man looked at her with the same solemn eyes that the nurse had earlier. She wondered if he would have to give her bad news today, and she dreadfully hoped that his hard eyes might crack a smile when he told her Will was going to pull through.

"Hello Jennifer, my name is Doctor Smith." The doctor provided.

"Sounds made up." JJ said sarcastically.

"That it does." The doctor agreed with a small flicker of a smile. "Do you mind if I check out some of your injuries?"

JJ hesitantly shook her head.

"Okay, it looks like you took a couple nasty hits." The doctor observed out loud.

JJ nodded.

"Rate the pain for me?"

"I don't know...my left eye hurts the worse. The rest is just a dull ache...shouldn't you be more worried about my husband?" JJ pried.

"I assure you we are doing all we can." Doctor Smith paused. "My job is to make sure his wife is healthy enough to take care of him while he recovers."

JJ nodded after a brief moment.

"Now, I need you to change into this gown for me."

JJ immediately shook her head. "No, no...no. I don't want to."

"Jennifer, I promise you will be okay, there's no need to worry." Doctor Smith reached to put a comforting hand on JJ's leg but JJ lost it. JJ screamed and tried wriggling out of the bed, the doctor stood in front of the door and JJ curled up in the corner furthest from the doctor.

JJ's eyes blurred as she saw the door open and a couple nurses as well as Emily and Morgan tumbled in the room.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"What did you do to her?!" Morgan screamed. Instantly his eyes found JJ curling up in the corner of the room. His fingers curled tightly into his palm. His anger was almost comforting to JJ, his eager need to protect her made her feel safe, but at the same time terrified. Morgan stared at the Doctor, clenching his fists, trying to stop himself from doing something he'd later regret. Emily made her way to JJ, she gently placed her hands on the tops of JJ's knees which were scrunched in close, as if they would be able to protect her from whatever she was afraid of.

"I didn't do anything, she just freaked out." Doctor Smith said putting his hands up non-threateningly and backing away.

"Yeah, you better leave." Morgan said, the nurses grabbed the Doctor's arms and walked out with him. Morgan shut the door quietly and turned around to look at Emily and JJ. Emily looked back at Morgan with an anxious expression.

JJ looked up from her lap, silent tears were streaming down her face.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." JJ kept saying while shaking her head.

"Hey now, just tell us what happened." Emily said quietly.

"Nothing happened." JJ exclaimed. "He wanted me to- God, he just wanted me to change into that stupid gown." JJ's head fell to her bent knees while she sobbed.

"Oh honey." Emily wrapped her arm over JJ's shoulders. JJ moved from her corner and laid her head on Emily's lap. Emily lightly rubbed methodical circles on JJ's back.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." JJ sobbed.

"Don't be sorry, you did nothing wrong Jayje." Emily said.

Emily looked at Morgan with a light smile. "Will you go see if there is a female doctor that has a few minutes to come help JJ?"

Morgan nodded, he leaned down and planted a quick kiss on JJ's forehead before leaving and shutting the door behind him.

Emily continued to drag her gentle fingers over JJ's trembling frame.

"JJ. Nothing is wrong with you."

"But-"

Emily cut JJ off, "I know what you were thinking. Nothing is wrong with you, okay? Just promise me you'll try to believe that."

JJ nodded.

The door opened and a female doctor walked in.

"Hi, Jennifer. Your friend Derek says I can call you JJ, is that all right with you?" The new doctor asked.

JJ sat up from Emily's lap, she quickly glanced at Emily before looking back at the doctor. She nodded, and even smiled lightly.

"Awesome. So JJ, I just want to make sure none of your injuries cause you any more pain. Is that okay?"

Again JJ nodded and stood up from her spot in the corner. She laid back down on the bed and began apologizing again.

"I'm sorry, Doctor Smith didn't do anything...I just-"

"I know honey, don't worry about anything."

JJ smiled and Emily headed for the door. "I'll be right outside, if you need anything." Emily offered.

"You're welcome to stay, if you want agent." The doctor said.

"It's okay, I'm good. Thanks Em." JJ said, she didn't really want to discuss any details with someone so close to her in the room.

JJ heard the door click and she looked up at her new doctor. The doctor was ethic, her dark hair framed flawless dark skin with dark eyes to match. She was older, probably in her early forties.

"What's your name?" JJ asked.

"Doctor Franco. But you can call me Bella."

Bella pulled out her instruments and began checking JJ's vitals.

"I hear you've been through quite the ordeal."

"Yeah." JJ muttered.

"It get's better. I know that's not very comforting, but...this too shall pass." Bella said, with swimming eyes.

"Thanks." JJ whispered.

"Anything outrageously hurting?" Bella asked.

"No, not really. I'm just kind of sore. Oh, I might have ripped my stitches again."

"Can I see?"

JJ nodded and lifted her shirt up, sure enough, JJ's torso was still bruised, and dried blood accented her thinning torso.

"Okay, I'm going to go get someone to sew those back up. And you need to really take it easy, or your torso is going to get infected."

JJ nodded.

"Also, there's somebody I want you to see. Is it okay if I tell her to take a stop by?" Bella asked.

"Sure..." JJ said hesitantly.

A few minutes later the door opened and an older woman walked in. She had burnt burgundy colored hair. Her hair was softly curled and they fell to about her shoulder. Her eye's were a bright emerald green, her teeth were nearly perfect and she smiled widely.

"Hi Jennifer. My name is Katherine. I'm the hospital's psychologist."

JJ's face must have dropped because Katherine quickly began speaking again.

"I'm not here to just report back what you're feeling. I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine, thanks. And I already have a therapist, so I don't really need to talk to anybody else." JJ said.

"That's really good. Who's your therapist?"

"Her name is Chelsea."

"When did you start seeing her?"

"A little after..." JJ trailed off.

"After what?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"But you talk to your therapist?"

"Yeah..."

"Okay, well, do you want to talk about what happened with Doctor Smith?"

"Nothing happened."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. It was an over reaction. I said I'm sorry."

"You didn't react any different than I would expect."

"Well that's great. I'm glad that fits right into the textbook of someone who was raped."

"You were raped." Katherine said more as a statement, rather than a question. She already knew.

JJ began crying. "I want to see my husband."

"You look to him for strength no one else can give you. Your relationship is strong."

"Stop profiling me and just get my husband! I want Will!" JJ cried.

"I'm here to help, not to upset you."

JJ kept sobbing.

"How can I help you JJ?"

"Make me stop feeling like this." JJ said through tears.

"Feeling like what?"

"Feeling worthless, controlled...damaged goods."

Before Katherine could speak again, the door opened and Emily started walking through with a glass of water. Her eyes immediately caught JJ's distressed look and she set the glass down and ran to JJ's side.

"What's going on? Are you okay?" Emily wrapped her arms around JJ's trembling frame.

"I should probably go." Katherine said.

"I think that would be best." Emily agreed.

As soon as she was gone, Emily look at JJ's eyes.

"Why does everyone think I need all this help? I can fix myself!" JJ cried.

"What are you talking about?" Emily asked.

"That was the hospital's psychologist."

"Jayje...no. We just want you to be okay."

"And I am!"

Emily paused, searching for the right words. "How come Doctor Smith scared you so much?"

"I'm just on an emotional high right now, I'm worried about Will. It was nothing."

"But can you see how the doctors would be worried?"

JJ paused before nodding her head slightly.

Emily pulled JJ into another hug.

"I'm sorry for everything that's happened. And I'm sorry it's hurting you so much. I just want you to know that people are here for you. I'm here for you Jayje. Okay?" Emily's voice cracked and JJ smiled back.

A moment later the door opened and JJ recognized Hotch's face.

"Will's out of surgery."


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

"Oh God, is he okay?" JJ immediately asked. JJ tried getting up from her hospital bed, but Emily was close enough to grab her arm and keep her in the bed.

"Woah, slow down." Emily warned.

"Please, let me see Will." JJ cried.

"JJ, I'm sorry." Hotch whispered.

"No...no, no." JJ kept shaking her head. "No, just tell me he's okay!"

Hotch's face was solemn. As he looked down JJ could see the hurt in his posture. Like he was telling JJ that she would never take a long walk with Will again, or how they would never spend Henry's 5th birthday together, or how he would never father another one of JJ's children. He'd seen death before, he'd seen the love of his life be taken from him. Nothing was worse than one life being lost because somebody else took it. Hotch knew this all to well, and it physically hurt him to see JJ about to suffer the same lonely fate.

"No, Hotch...please." JJ begged.

Hotch just shook his head and JJ's jaw dropped. She had held her breath in a pool before, this wasn't like that. This was like having a gun to JJ's head and being told not to let her heart beat. Of course it will beat. And just like the heart must go on, JJ's lungs will inhale, whether it is air or briny water. In the moment that the coolness rushes in JJ knows she's already dead. She knows her heart will never feel the same...never hurt the same, because this was more intense than any hurt she could imagine. This hurt more than any pain a serial killer could inflict. This hurt like she was doing it herself, but she couldn't do anything about it.

Just as JJ seemed to process what was happening a nurse rushed into JJ's room.

"Excuse me? Agent Hotchner? Could I talk to you for a moment?" The kind nurse asked politely.

Hotch nodded and followed the small lady out of JJ's room.

"Wait! Is it about Will? I'm his wife! I have a right to know!" JJ screamed.

"JJ, it's okay. Please calm down, I don't want you to hurt yourself." Emily said gently.

JJ struggled beneath Emily's hands.

"No, just leave me alone. You don't understand! I need to talk to that nurse!"

"JJ! You can't, you need to stay here." Emily said sternly.

"You can't tell me what to do, let me go!" JJ screamed.

"This is for your own good." Emily said as she fought JJ's wriggling limbs.

"No, stop! You don't understand. My husband is dead." As the last word trickled out of her mouth like blood she stopped fighting. She looked up at Emily with tear drenched eyes. Her lips quivered slightly, and saying out loud made it seem real.

"He's dead." JJ whispered.

"I'm sorry, Jayje. I'm so sorry." Emily whispered back as the first of many tears slipped down her cheek. "I'm so sorry for all of this."

JJ resorted to the most heart wrenching sobbing. Her chest heaved, it was more than crying, it was the kind of desolate sobbing that comes from a person drained of all hope. It was the kind of crying that broke hearts, the kind of sobbing that came out more as a scream, rather than anything else.

Emily couldn't do anything but wrap her arms around the shaking blond, rub comforting circles, and offer quiet words of comfort.

* * *

><p>"This has never happened before, but I think you should see something." The nurse said to Hotch.<p>

Hotch nodded and followed the small nurse back past a "personnel only" area. His thoughts swarmed like an angry hornets nest. What was JJ thinking, was there anything he could even do to numb the pain? What did this mean for the BAU?

_Stop, you're so selfish. Be there for your friend. Worry about your team later._ Hotch thought as the nurse led him through some curtains and into a desolate room that reeked of blood.

"Agent." The nurse said quietly and gestured to the sight in front of her.

"Oh my God." Hotch muttered.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry short chapter, and late update. I hope to be more consistent. Thanks for the support! Please comment your thoughts and ideas, I love to hear what you think! <strong>

**Thank you! **


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

"Hotch, where's JJ?"

"Oh my God...Will."

"Is JJ okay?" Will muttered through obvious grunts of intense pain.

Hotch looked over at the nurse with wide eyes. Only moments before he had seen Will pronounced dead. And not just for a few seconds, no...Will had been dead for nearly 5 minutes.

"All I can say is that this is a miracle I've never ever experienced before." The nurse answered just as shocked as Hotch.

Will was white as chalk. Hotch's eyes and mouth were frozen wide open in an expression of stunned surprise, and although he was staring straight at Will he appeared not to notice him at all. His mind seemed to be traveling a hundred miles an hour, but also not moving at all. There were no words to describe his emotions right now, he himself could not even distinguish what he was feeling.

"I-I...I will go get JJ." Hotch finally managed to stutter out.

He left the room slowly, his feet trudged through the tile hallways right to JJ's room. He realized his mouth was still agape and quickly he swished some saliva around his mouth and swallowed to help the dry exterior. He creaked the door open and saw JJ in a heap in Emily's lap. Violent sobs still wracked her body and immediately Hotch felt immense guilt, he caused a whole lot of unnecessary stress and anguish.

If only he had waited 5 more minutes.

Or Will hadn't "died".

"JJ." Hotch said quietly. He tried to speak up, but his mouth was still so dry.

Emily looked over at Hotch and could instantly tell something was wrong.

"What's going on?" Emily asked worriedly.

JJ looked up when she heard Emily's voice and met eyes with Hotch. His were still wide and astonished, while hers were red and devastated.

"Will...he's-he's alive."

"What?" JJ gasped.

JJ glanced at Emily as if she was silently asking her to confirm.

"This better not be some sick joke." JJ said, quickly getting angry.

"No, no." Hotch quickly assured her. "I don't know how it happened...but he's asking for you." Hotch walked over to JJ's side and helped her out of her bed and into a wheelchair near her bed.

JJ couldn't help but let the tears keep falling as Hotch and Emily escorted her to Will's private ICU room. The last moments had been unbearable, she couldn't stop thanking the heavens above that it wasn't actually real.

How had she been so blessed?

Her breath caught as Hotch opened the door and gently pushed her in. As soon as she saw Will's pale...pale face, she jumped from her wheelchair and ignored the pain.

Will was okay.

"JJ! Be careful." Emily scolded.

JJ ignored Emily just like the pain and wrapped her arms around Will. She began feverishly kissing his neck and didn't bother to try and stop the tears from rolling down his neck.

"Will, oh God, Will." JJ mumbled over and over.

She kissed him on the cheek and met some his own tears.

"I thought I'd lost you." Will whispered in JJ's ear.

"I thought I'd lost _you_, Will." JJ replied.

* * *

><p>Days passed.<p>

Will was brought home, JJ was put on strict doctors orders to take it easy, if she ripped her stitches any more times it could be devastating for her recovery, if she ever could recover.

"Anything I can get for you?" JJ asked Will.

He laid in their bed while JJ easily walked around and played small games with Henry. Emily and Penelope had been wonderful about helping keep Henry entertained. Especially when she had appointments with Chelsea, which happened to be today as well.

"Maybe...just a kiss?" Will played.

"That's awfully bold for a bed ridden man." JJ played back as she walked over to Will and first kissed him on the neck, then his ear, his cheek, and finally meeting his lips. When she pulled away Will leaned forward, "Wait."

"Sorry handsome, maybe you should get better quicker if you want some more action." JJ winked and left the room.

As JJ left the room, she heard a light knock at the door. JJ opened the door and her face lit as she recognized Emily's face. The two lightly embraced and JJ led Emily back to where Henry was playing in the living room.

"Thanks so much Em, for everything...seriously. It means a lot."

"Anytime Jayje." Emily smiled. "Good luck with Chelsea. Spill some good stuff okay?"

JJ let a throaty laugh escape, and she was pleased to know it was real.

"If you insist." JJ muttered as she went back to give Will one last kiss and she headed off to Chelsea's office.

At first she had been extremely prejudice about seeing Chelsea, a therapist, but she had seen the effects that "talking" had on her life. She had grown up bottling everything up, and it was unhealthy not only for herself, but for her relationships, this sort of outlet was healthy for JJ and it kept her healthy in her relationships. Which was so much more than JJ could ask for. She couldn't afford to lose the people she loved most, especially after everything that happened.

No, Chelsea was good for her...at least for right now.

Before she knew it, she was at Chelsea's office. She always had a rush of anxiety right before meeting with her; but Chelsea said that was normal.

JJ smiled as she saw Chelsea's face. Even though Chelsea was her therapist, the two were a lot alike and got along really well. It seemed more like friendship rather than client-centered therapy. Which was probably better for JJ and her personality...and pride.

"Hey JJ, you look great today." Chelsea exclaimed.

"Thanks, I feel good." JJ admitted.

Chelsea led her back to her office for the countless time and JJ sat adjacent to her on the black couch.

"What's been going on, what has given you such a good mood?"

"Will's recovering really well. I haven't been getting sick from my medication anymore, and I have a lot of support."

JJ thought about Emily and Penelope, and from there her entire team. They had been so amazing through out all of this. Through out her mood swings, good days and bad days, and most of all through out her lacking confidence that she was slowly getting back.

"I just have felt so unlike 'JJ' since being raped, but lately, I've just felt more confident in myself. I think part of it is Will's recovery, it really has brought us closer together and that is such a vital and important relationship in my life, it's really effected me personally."

"That's really good. I can tell you feel good. There's a light in your eyes. It's truly amazing to see that too." Chelsea answered seriously.

The rest of the session passed quickly and soon enough JJ was headed back to her place where her handsome hubby was waiting. She had planned the night for the two of them, she hoped Emily wouldn't mind watching Henry for a little longer, she just needed some Will time.

JJ reached her home and walked inside. Henry greeted her with a big hug and lots of cute little boy kisses.

"Henry! How's my favorite boy!"

"Good!" Henry squealed, but he looked back at JJ's door way where Will was standing.

"Will! What are you doing." JJ rushed to his side, but he just wrapped his arms around her and kissed her.

"I feel _so_ good." Will whispered.

JJ buried her face in Will's shoulder with a smile.

"Hey Henry, want to go for a walk?" Emily asked.

"Yes!" Henry squealed again.

JJ looked back at Emily and mouthed 'thank you'. Emily winked and grabbed Henry's hand walking away from JJ and Will.

"I miss you." JJ whispered.

"I'm right here." Will chuckled.

"I still miss you."


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Several months had passed. JJ and Will were physically healthy, they attended weekly physical therapy and bimonthly doctor visits to stay updated on their personal recovery. The sun had come out, and what a beautiful summer it was starting to be. And maybe it was the sun that was giving JJ and Will the extra kick, but it was working. The two had never felt better. Both physically and mentally. What they'd been through had been both physically and mentally traumatizing, each in individual ways. However, they were tackling and overcoming.

JJ had an evaluation with a Bureau assigned psychologist and was cleared for work a couple weeks ago. It had been a tough decision deciding to come back. She felt as though she was returning or opening herself back up to be hurt again, but each of her teammates had done it, some multiple times; she could too. Plus, how could she leave her team, they were her family...and she might have been a little dependent on them.

JJ walked out of Henry's room where she had been tidying up a few of his things. Will was waiting on the couch for her with a wicked grin.

JJ chuckled at the sight.

"Henry's with Nathan." Will said, almost seductively.

"Are you trying to seduce me?" JJ joked.

Will got up from the couch and wrapped his arms around her waist while pushing her against a wall. "Did it work?" Will whispered in her ear before he began lacing her neck with hot kisses. JJ smiled and closed her eyes. Will and JJ seemed to have a silent conversation as they met and stared into each others eyes. JJ finally looked away, tears threatening to blur her vision, when Will's hand encircled hers. It was soft and warm, reassuring almost, as if Will sensed JJ's desperation.

Will brushed JJ's hair back from her shoulder and moved in so close. JJ can feel his lean body pressed up against hers. She feels his warmth and already in her mind she has placed their lips together. But instead he leaned in to caress JJ's neck again, slow and gentle. He's making her wait and JJ can hardly bare it. She wanted his lips now. As if by psychic behavior, he cupped JJ's face in his hands and gives her exactly what she'd been craving.

JJ hesitantly broke away and looked up at him. The swirls of emotion she saw there made her gasp. Love and desire. However, before JJ could ponder about it further, he yanked JJ to him and covered her mouth with in more of his hungry kisses. As their lips crushed together, JJ felt like she was walking on air. It was magic, just like the first time they had kissed, the way his lips connected with hers. His mouth was so warm, the caress of his lips softer than JJ could have ever imagined and she opened my mouth with a low moan. Will wrapped his hands under JJ's rump and picked her up. JJ wound her legs around Will's hips, never breaking the feverish contact, while Will slowly carried her towards their room.

* * *

><p>Henry had come home for dinner, and JJ embraced her last day at home with her boys. Tomorrow she went back to work, and while she was extremely glad for the distraction work was going to bring, she would miss all the time she was getting to have with her boys.<p>

JJ smiled as she finished cooking dinner. Will and Henry sat patiently at the table, while Henry rambled on about some airplane game he had played while at Nathan's house. JJ couldn't help but smile and giggle at her son. She glanced at Will, whom she loved completely, and then looked back at Henry, whom was the perfect mixture of her and the person she would love forever. What a beautiful accident he had been.

JJ met Will's eyes and flushed, the two had...a wonderful afternoon while Henry had been gone, and for once it seemed so normal, she wasn't forcing anything. It was just JJ and Will.

And it couldn't have been more perfect.

JJ carried the plates over and joined her family for dinner.

The conversation was cute and casual, mostly consisting of Henry's radical and nonsense ideas, but JJ loved every second of it. Especially Will's traveling hands that somehow kept finding their way to her thigh, eliciting an excited squeal each time.

JJ locked eyes with Will, and for a second everything stopped. And she realized that even though everything they went through had been one of the worst ordeals for both of them, they could never have loved each other as much as they did right in that moment.

And JJ was grateful, she was grateful for the experience, and grateful for the love and unity she was able to gain because of it.

Will leaned over and planted another kiss on JJ's aching lips. He pulled away and smiled.

"I love you Jareau." Will whispered.

JJ flushed, "I love you too."

"Hey!" Henry squealed.

JJ and Will laughed before splitting and making sure they gave their full attention to their cute son.

Tonight was perfect, and that didn't mean that every night was going to be, but it did mean they were getting better.

And that's all they could really ask for.

* * *

><p><strong>THE END<strong>


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